Walk With Me

Lucy Ching played by Alice Lau and her nanny Sister Woh played by the late Hui Fun.

《誰可伴我》

從前是你輕把我拖　
這刻高飛只得個我
提攜共引導關心加臂助　
我欠你多 今分手嘆奈何　
長陪伴我一起走過
教我奮起更生的一課　
全憑是你伴我 令我一生沒怯懦　
誰人為我做更多

多得你愛護 熱情在心窩開花結果
全賴你幫助　今生你伴我　
你為我青春磋跎 誰全力照料我認清楚　
艱苦你勉勵熱情伴我衝破萬難　
挨盡了饑餓 今生你為我　你受了酸苦幾何　
完全沒有後悔地將心獻給我

長陪伴我一起走過　
教我奮起更生的一課 全憑是你伴我　
令我一生沒怯懦 誰人為我做更多

多得你愛護　熱情在心窩開花結果　
全賴你幫助 今生你伴我　
你為我青春磋跎　誰全力照料我認清楚
艱苦你勉勵　熱情伴我衝破萬難　挨盡了饑餓
今生你為我　你受了酸苦幾何　完全沒有淡化
在心中記清楚

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
It's the year of the Golden Rooster and I wish you all the best of everything.

I will end the year of the Monkey with a post about the best movie that returned into my life after nearly 8 years; One of the Lucky Ones. A true story about Lucy Ching, the first blind Chinese woman who willed her way into university in the 1950s. Her nanny, Sister Woh was the support that gave her courage to follow her heart. Sister Woh's sacrifice and unconditional love were Lucy's pair of eyes. She changed the fate of many sightless Chinese folks by obtaining a university degree and through her and this movie I motivate myself to work even harder. Not to earn more money or to achieve a fancy status in society but to be sincere and make my life worth living.

With this I attached along the lyrics of the theme song sung by the leading actress Alice Lau. The meaning is straightforward and melts one conscience. It is something that I would dedicate to my own mother or to someone who has given his or her entire life to loving, caring and nurturing you.

Best wishes for the New Year.

Wendy

Software vs Hardware - Technical Error

Like in my previous post, my editing software, Adobe Premier 6.5 died on me. I am not sure if it is the fault of my dv camera (Sony TRV900 which is now an obsolete prosumer model) or XP has some broken files, missing drivers or something else. I have been editing for nearly 8 months on this machine and it worked absolutely fine. But now I realised that the fake / squeeze 16:9 function creates much instabilities during the editing process. Adobe Premier 6.5 performs wonders and the final edit of my shots are rather professional. However now it stretches the images which were shot in fake 16:9 into 4:3 display. All this while I switched my camera to 16:9 that gives it a tiny film look because of the black bars at the top and bottom; letterbox. Nonetheless all of a sudden Adobe recognizes the underlying format of 4:3 and does not read the images in 16:9. Therefore everything is elongated, much to the elation of chubby folks like me. We look extra tall and slim.

I have been told to uninstall Adobe and XP. I need to add-on 16:9 converters software or to download relevant plug-ins. But it worked well and I never encountered such problems and hindrances. Still software are highly unpredictable creatures. They wear-out, rebel and make enemies along the way. As a result of which they get into conflicts with other software, programs and peripherals.

Nothing remains the same and everything dissipates within the illusion of time. After all even computers and machines are not exempted from old age, sickness and finally death.

Red Cap

I spent the whole day receiving phone calls and calling others; be it to friends or to clients. By dinner time I was drained and noticed I have yet to do what I had planned. Straight after dinner I went ahead and put my full concentration on what needs to be done. Although I could not come up with an answer but at least I am aware that I have to find other ways to rectify this mistake.

Again it proved to me that it is the PROCESS and not the RESULT which is rejoicing and refreshing. It was either I could fix the mistake or not. But sitting through many painful hours was rewarding because I learned how to cope with failures emotionally, found out different ways to use the software physically and this motivated me to think mentally for other solutions. Above all it very much tested my patience and enduring power.

Now I am going to read a book and listen to some music. Good night.

I HAVE A DATE WITH ALICE LAU!

As Time Goes By

June used to be my meditation course mate. When I first met her she was this hyper active individual. Every little thing excited her or made her extremely unhappy. She said that she wanted to control her emotions because it was taking her to extremes and she was rather disturbed by it. She was afraid that it would affect her health and her relationship with her husband. She had her blood pressure and ECG checked and they showed signs that her mood swings were applying unwanted stress on her heart.

When one sees her one would think she is the most bubbly person you have ever met. She would burst into laughters and even roll onto the floor if something was funny. We all enjoyed her company. However, our meditation master warned that she needed to find a balance; a neutral zone where her emotions are not magnified by her unrest mind. If not she will suffer from a nervous breakdown.

After about 10 lessons, I saw some changes in her. She was calmer and would not over react to the smallest of incident. The look on her face was serene and a sudden glow enveloped the crown of her head. I was delighted to find such progress.

Lately I received an email from her. She told me that her friends prefer the "old" June. Because she is now too serious, calm and unexcitable. Her friends would do their best to bring here back to her old state. Until they succeed to either tease her to fight back or make her anxious, they would not stop.

Maybe her friends do not know how important it is for June to keep a calm state. Perhaps they want someone who could entertain them. To them June was being arrogant and was putting up a front to make herself more superior. But they don't realise that inner peace is something that June and everyone need. If June feels that being hyper active is bothering her, then she has every right to make positive changes. As friends we should support her and not condemn her for her effort.

It is not easy to judge and know what is right and wrong. Even the wisest cannot tell what will happen in the end. What is right and wrong is always conditional and never absolute. What is right now can be wrong when the context has changed and when our interpretation of what is good has changed. But I deeply believe that there are some basic fundamental goodness in all of us. This won't change. Killing and stealing are wrong no matter under what circumstances. Exceptions are by far few and little. Robin Hoods are not free from legal punishments either. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I think modern people are losing their divinity - their union with God and nature. Because to venture into the realm of the divine is to erase all boxes of black and white. We have now shades of grey and uncertainty. What's on the outside is very clear because we see others do it. We see our parents, friends and enemies do it. But to know the truth of the matter is to look inside yourself. To go to that place of sanctuary in heaven not above you but in you. It is there where you will find that what is right and wrong shouldn't really matter but only a play of mind.

To get there, I think I am far from it. The forest is too thick and the air too damp. Maybe one day I will be there and truly enjoy the breeze.

Break

It's been a few days since I posted something here. I have been busy skipping from one book to another. I finally read "A History Of God" by Karen Armstrong. I didn't finish reading it of course but I can see where this book will lead me. However I won't be surprised if Ms. Armstrong will reshape the tracks (not in a bad sense) along the way.

I bought Deepak Chopra's "The Book of Secrets". The opening paragraph of the introduction seems faintly like the poetry of Goethe, "Faust". Both speak of the fact that man searches not for fame, wealth, power, sex, education, entertainment and material gains. Because even when man does succeed in obtaining one physical pleasure, he won't be satisfied or ever will be. It becames an endless pursuits. Because the search is for something more spiritual, novel and unknown. When I am in the mood I will post both the passages.

Many nights were spent on translations and writing. Perhaps also planning to write a script for a stage play. I wrote 5 scripts and 4 were staged. That was nearly 14 years ago but I can feel the burst of unlimitted gratification to see my drama unfold before my eyes. I guess this is what Chopra and Goethe referred to as a spiritual awakening. Artistic expressions are direct links to the mythical patterns in our unconscious. And spiritual awakening is not a one off event. It is a spectrum of meanings that suffaces when the seeds ripen. How and when the seeds will ripen depends very much on one ownself.

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I find that lately I have problems getting my message across to others. The things that didn't annoy me before suddenly is such an annoying bug. Maybe it's the late night sleep due to work, the shift of perspestive on what is worth chasing and what is not (not related to Her), the books I read and a dire need to study Spiritual Science, Theology and Mythology.

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Writing meditation:

A secret love
Hunts my mind
I need to love
It kills my pride.

Words don't mean
What they mean
If the mind stays clear
From hate and fear.

Courage soars
Lion roars
I find me in its' jaw
Strength of flesh
Ills the mess
Stength of mind
To it be kind.

Shoes

In Poetry words don't mean what they ordinarily do. Well what you normally understand a word / sentence to signify should be thrown away. This is not my best work. In fact this poem is bad but I like the idea behind it's composition. So I have decided to post it here. Enjoy.

Shoes

The rain pours on her
Drop by drop they wet her clothes
Drenched, callous to the conditions
Hair a mess, tangled, twisted like her brains
Water drips from the corner of her dreary eyes
No spot dry, an unsoiled umbrella in hand
she roams the weary street in shame.
Sees the One she will switch
Carefully she sneaks and suddenly she hits
The One falls down; bag and used umbrella flew
she desires to be the One who is ideal
protected from the rain always happy with no pain.
The One surprised by the attack lays on an aching back
Watching in wonder, harshly Her shoes were removed.
she grins, puts them on and they fit well – satisfied
Living in the shoes of the flawless One!
Triumph rules she turns to look, the exalted One hurt and soaked
Sitting in shock on the dirty road
Her prosthetic left leg exposed.

Spiritual Chase

An excerpt from Deepak Chopra's "The Book of Secrets".

Seeking is a word often applied to the spiritual path, and many people are proud to call themselves seekers. Often, they are the same people who once chased too hard after money, sex, alcohol, or work. With the same addictive intensity they now hope to find God, the soul, the higher self. The problem is that seeking begins with a false assumption. I don't mean the assumption that materialism is corrupt and spirituality is pure. Yes, materialism can become all-consuming, but that's not the really important point. Seeking is doomed because it is a chase that takes you outside yourself.

Whether the object is God or money makes no real difference. Productive seeking requires that you throw out all assumptions that there is a prize to be won. This means acting without hope of rising to some ideal self, hope being a wish that you'll get somewhere better than the place you started from. You are starting from yourself, and it's the self that contains all the answers. So you have to give up on the idea that you must go from A to B. There is no linear path when the goal isn't somewhere else. You must also discard fixed judgments about high and low, good and evil, holy and profane. The one reality includes everything in its tangle of experiences, and what we are trying to find is the experiencer who is present no matter what experience you are having.

Looking at the people who race around trying to be models of goodness, someone coined the apt phrase "spiritual materialism," the transfer of values that work in the material world over to the spiritual world.

I'd like to add that the limitation of language creates fear of the unknown. What words failed to explain and our minds failed to analyse and understand; we reject. Because to venture somewhere which is unheard of requires undaunted courage and ceaseless effort. Very often we don't look inside because we don't understand at all what it means to search within. It is much easier to look outside. To see what our parents did and we deem to be wrong or right. What our neighbours commited as gossips and invasion into our privacy. If our cousin married a pilot or she married a farmer. We imitate what others do and behave how society tells us to. We all subject ourselves to common sense. But then common sense is what everyone COMMONLY agrees to be a correct standard.

With this attitude we jump from worldly matters like money, status, power and sex to what we believe as a spiritual path. In either situations we forget the taste of bread, the sound of water and the smell of flowers. The experience of being alive. Because we indulge. A person who appreciates life from within and places close to his heart the hidden forces behind what words can speak is more spiritual than one who prays umpteen times a day and recites mantras for 30 years.

Let me share with you another quote from Dr. Deepak Chopra :

"...Christ wasn't a Christian and that Buddha wasn't a Buddhist and Muhammad wasn't Muslim..."

Devilman

Live solely by instinct
to survive is to kill
nothing so distinct
but just have the skill
unleash the animal
locked deep in you
fearless cannibal
because life is cruel
sweetness melts your vision
hatred is the fuel
leap beyond your dimension
perform your plan
carnage those who insult your stand
then success is in your hand
no penance - be mean, my friend.

I wrote this on March 30th, 2003. Surprised? Well please don't be alarmed. I am not a propounder of violence and evil. Let me tell you about a Japanese animation titled "Devilman" (see picture) that was made in the early 1980s. The main character was a kind-hearted young man who would not even hurt an ant. It is said there is always an evil side to everything and everyone. Nothing is absolutely good. But a person can't be neutrally good unless he finds the evil in him and takes control of it. In other words to conquor the demon which leads one astray to the path of wrong is to face this demon head on. Fight and win. Escaping is like hiding from one's shadows. Denying is like running from one's reflection. First learn to accept that there is evil in us and then to sublimate and channel the negative into something positive. I am not asking you to kill so that you will know how it feels and then go down on your knees to seek for forgiveness. That's taking it to extreme. What can be done is to accept and understand one's faults and imperfections. This is a good start.

Anyway about "Devilman" - because of his good nature he was tricked into bringing out the demon in him and then he fought to lay authority over it. Hence he could use the supernatural powers that the demon in him had and exerted it for good.

Some high-ranking meditator finds the demon in him and overcomes it. But I suggest unless we are ready, we shall stay away from confronting our own demons. Because it is dangerous and once we lose there won't be a way back.

Out of the Box

I wonder if it is worth doing something or refrain from doing something. I woke up feeling the need to burst out of my cocoon. The environment is closing in and thus blocking my potential and screams for growth. I have to admit that I am someone who can't remain at one position for too long. I get horribly bored. Things must be on a move and new creations must burgeon.

Not that I don't want security and stability. I do. Actually I want both. There must be a stillness in my life, from where I can give everything my best shot. The point of stillness is inevitably my family; to be more direct my late mother. I can face all types of challenges because I know my mother will be there to support me and to knock my head when I indulge and to comfort me when I fall. But now that my pillar is gone for good, I have to stand on my own two feet. It's not that easy because I have to be supernaturally strong. But I believe that my mother has given me enough trainings and lectures to keep me going even in her absence.

Perhaps it is not a total loss. Perhaps she is always there watching over me. Perhaps she also wants me to take the rough rides because that will replace the hard knocks I received from her each time I erred. This whole journey that I partake simulates the relationship I have with my mother. If all mothers are symbolic of Mother nature then each breath I take, each step I make, each word I speak and each tune I hum; I do it for my very own mother and I do it for me.

My dad is a nice man. That's about it. One word says it all. He is a nice man. I shouldn't lament and comment too much because he is my dad and I know it was never easy to play his part. Sometimes I do know that he tries very hard and I do appreciate his effort. Although I don't say it but I hope he can understand.

The cocoon that is closing in is probably a mental one. Therefore a physical shift will not get me anywhere. It's merely escaping and denying.

I will listen to some music and read a book. Good night.

Literally a Metaphor

I couldn't possibly voice this better than Ms. Rachel Pollack in "THE FOREST of SOULS". I'd like to share an excerpt from this profound book of hers.

"The great mythographer Joseph Campbell once commented that the world is full of creation stories and all of them are wrong. The tarot is like that: full of origin stories, and probably all of them wrong. They are wrong because they take a compelling idea as literal truth. Wrong because they need that literal belief to take the idea seriously, and if someone should dsiprove once and for all these origin tales they will have lost their hold on its meaning and value. But if we can learn to take these origin tales as myths, as divine play, then not only can we let go of this need to prove the superiority of one to all others, we also can appreciate the poetic truth of each one. And we can marvel at this amazing work, this pack of seventy-eight pictures that somehow adapts itself to so many spiritual and historical traditions. "

Just like religion, if they are taken as parables then there is no need to prove that one religious system is greater than others. Because there is a need of humans to triumph in all they do, what they believe is always correct and what others do are always wrong and of lower levels. Because there is a need to stick to "MY" principles - MY principles override everything else that are equally important to others.

Just like everything else, MY origin is the BEST. How sad, isn't it?

Wendy's List

I am greedy for books. I want to read every book that I come across and find intellectually stimulating and spritually fortifying. I ordered Karen Armstrong's "The History of God" from Amazon and it arrived today. I bought Aldous Huxley's "The Perennial Philosophy" two days ago from Kinokuniya and read a few pages here and there. I will love this book. Speaks directly to me about life. And I have a long list of books that I bought and read half way or not read at all sitting on an about to explode bookshelf or on the floor. See, I am even running out of space to store them.

"X" (who is a casual friend) asked if I have to read books that no one has even heard of? Can't I plough through a simple title like The Da Vincci Code? I stopped reading popular books nearly 6 years ago. It is not that I don't enjoy reading them but I am more selective because my priority is set on reading non-fiction, new age, literature, mythologies and religious writings. I know "non-fiction" and "mythologies" may contradict each other. My little understanding of mythology seems to indicate they are stories / archetypes that link to our mind and higher self. Myths are not lies. They are stories told many generations ago that relate to the civilisations and development of mankind. These stories are about us in our raw material form; not the polished-hip socialites who grade ourselves by using materialistic fashion grids.

I sound like I am complaining about the way we are. Actually I am not because I have my books to keep me intact.

Happy reading!

Soul Food

Music speaks to the subconscious. There are many good singers / musicians out there. Who and what is good is actually very subjective. What makes you tick should mean that those are good stuff.

I am of the humble opinion that maybe just maybe (I try to put this as politically correct as possible) being too emotionally involved with only ONE singer tends to hinder the total enjoyment of MUSIC. I seriously don't understand how can some listen to only ONE singer. Because music is vast and wider than the galaxy. To deprive oneself from the variety set in music is really not worth it. Different types of music tells a different story and brings out radically varied feelings.

We all have our favorites and special singers who inspire us. I have one and too many. Because each and everyone of them touches my heart with their melodic voices and incomparable talent in such a uniquely customised way. My relationship with each singer is different.

Music plays too important a role in my life. I can't limit myself. I didn't see the situation from this angle until I met Lai Jie, my liberator. Thanks for bringing music back to my soul.

愛在別離中

I have been most indolent for the past 3 days. When the engine is coming to a stop, it slows down. A sudden halt crashes the vehicle. I took this opportunity (I hope) to re-work many things in my life. Looking at how things have moved on I understand on a greater scale that everything is linked. There are many signs which narrate to us the happening of a future event. But very few could read or even notice such symbols.

Nature is so complex that we remain as primitive as we were since the beginning of the beginning. We can't fixate on a future prediction because it curtails free will. A prediction is merely a guideline that if we take certain actions only the outcome may be like this or that. And it helps to avoid unpleasant situations or prepares us to face unavoidable miseries.

In the end it is your choice. Nothing is permenant. You can choose option A; which is the best election today but tomorrow it can be the most terrible thing you have done. So be prepared to face the bottomless tunnel of hell. But when the fall is through, a "new" you is regenerated. That is if you are strong enough to make it.

Life is a collection of experiences. We ought to learn and become better people but the key question here is do we ever?

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Some people are meant to click at first glance. When someone else is dearer to the person we love most, I think it is important to actually be chivalrous about it. We can fight and torture ourselves severely so that we may win this person over. Yes, we can try very hard and do all things possible. Be it virtuous or not.

But what I wish to say is that to fight for someone in such a foolish manner is stopping you from seeing the destined beauty in your life. You build up hate, envy, negativity and blindfold your senses. You have to know when to stop and give up.

Think that you have not lost something but you have won yourself ample opportunities to start afresh and gain new hopes. A person without hopes is like a ship without a Captain.

The Hero's Journey

小蝶 - 我曾经和雅麗有个约会. 只有一次, 但是我已经满足.

It is said that the roles certain people play in life are destined to inspire the millions out there. Such is one played by Alice Lau Ngah Lai in "I Have A Date With Spring." From the stage play to the movie and to the musical, Alice's nexus with the character "Yiu Siu Tip" blossomed for 12 years. Although for the other leading female characters, different actresses have been selected to portray them, there can be only one Siu Tip; non other than Alice herself.

Perhaps Alice was born to touch the viewers with her genuine acting. And after a while it is very difficult to accept that Siu Tip is a creation in art. It is as though as Alice gave so much of energy and became the character. The warmth, righteousness, honesty and determination of Siu Tip are reflective of the person in reality.

Why do we love Siu Tip? I think, it is because she is the hero in our dreams and fantasies. From a third grade cabaret singer and through trials and turbulence she rose to the top. But she did it with so much of intergrity and humanity that we applause her success with approval. Her loyalty towards Kah Hoe; the musician boyfriend whose first love was inevitably music, after 25 years she awaits him. She is the hero we hope we can emulate in our devious and fluctuating society.

Siu Tip's journey of happiness, tears, pains and victory is the single journey that we all travel. But perhaps some may lack the qualities and strength she possesses. Some may derail and some may necessarily succeed.

Whatever the outcome, we all have a date with spring. Just like Siu Tip when the time comes we will find spring flourishing in winter.

Tomorrow is no better than Today...

...and Yesterday was not a terrible experience. Chances are I would get laughed at if I say that the beggar is not poorer than the richman. Maybe you'd think that I am looney but imagine that if all the beggars unite and overthrow the government we will have a reversed situation. I dare you to venture into this dimension of abyss. Where everything is filthy, smelly, unkempt and stench of human urine replaces the sprinkles of branded perfumes.

This is indeed a nightmare but will soon be a norm once we adapt to it. The early upheavals will subside when obedience takes over. It may take months, years, decades and perhaps even centuries.

Of course this is taking things to the extreme or you might say I am so sick that I ought to be kept in prison. But fear not. I am as sane as the guy who eats fast food everyday. But then again what happens in our lives are not entirely within our control.

The Tsunami tragedy will force some changes in the way we view the world and hopefully begin to reshape our experiences of being alive. For those who lived by the sea they thought they knew the sea but were dead wrong. For those who were certain that their habitat was earthquake-free - but what do you know? Never say never again.

What do all these mean? I personally believe that these are signs of our arrogance and ignorance. Look at our lifestyle. We drift along in the pretext that we are above the universe and nature. We can do anything and everything we want to improve our life in the future. We desire a promotion, a new car, a big house, to be a millionaire and to hop onto one Progress or another. Work for the future, live for tomorrow because there is where the better days would be. My question is: when is Tomorrow? The next sunrise, the next year, when you turned 60? But what about Today? Now? This very moment?

I can hear some faint screams pushing out "I don't like today. I am unhappy. I don't have money. I have not purchased my house yet. I am still young and inexperieneced so I am constantly bullied."

But as far as the Theory of Time goes, there won't be tomorrow without today. How can we expect Tomorrow to be completely blissful suddenly when today we believe that we are soaking in shit? It is as though as "puff" a miracle happens and we are pulled to safety from above. Looking at how we develop there won't be a "better tomorrow" because we can never stop complaining that today sucks. Remember that today is the tomorrow of yesterday.

Maybe we should appreciate what we have now. Think that's all you need. You don't have to own 5 houses and employ 10 maids.

[Hei you! You are teaching us to be lazy!]

Excuse me! But I am not telling you to be unproductive. I am merely saying that you should know when to stop. Enough is enough. I am not saying don't participate but I am advocating that each choice you make should come from you and not what the society orders. What you do is not a compliance with social duties. You need to have the prudence to make wise decisions.

[What are you talking about? I need food to survive.]

The problem is that we don't really know what we want. So we imitate. We take advantage of the misfortune of others. U.N fears that gangs may traffic young Tsunami orphans to commit crimes. This is what I mean by following the hierachy of money rules it all. We are not listening to ourselves but to what others dictate. External pressure of power, money and sex overrule the inner voice.

[Well, I drive my Mercedes - you chat with your inner voice.]

God gives me the serenity to accept things I cannot change

The courage to change things I can; and

the WISDOM to tell them apart.

I wish I could...

I love you but I can't say
Because respect I must pay
To friends who don't understand
Why I love you I just can't pretend.

Seeds grow in a bark
They pop out in the dark
Secretly my feelings grow
Longer than the moon's shadow.

I wish I could scream out loud
Share with the world I am proud
But who can comprehend
It's a sour battle in the end.

Fate like the fire burns
It's something I can't discern
Why I love another this way
How did I let my heart go astray.

Maybe I loved too much
I refused to free my clutch
Finally I am burnt out
From the love I could do without.

Love is a funny companion
You tear when you peel onions
But love will make you cry
Even when your eyes are dry.

Love is a sentimental buddy
Makes you weep when you are happy
Tickles like morning dew
Trickles like the sunset view.

I love you for unspoken reasons
It lights my soul from the beacon
I am sorry for the way I am
I have changed I am to blame.

But until then I stay in silence
Drown in the world of hindrance
Only my little heart knows
How much I love you.

Note: This poem is written by me about my little friend who is only 16. Believe it or not she started going out with her current boyfriend at the age of 13. (What was I doing when I was 13? Gee...) She told me that she fell in love with a senior from her school who is dating her classmate's sister. I told her it could be a crush. But whether it is a crush or not, I think innocent puppy love is always the sweetest in one's memories. As we grow older a love relationship becomes contaminated by material demands and moral obligations. I tried to write this in the most "teenager" way possible. Have I lost it or simply too old fashion?

Blue is not Red.

Snow in satin white
Purified my ignorance
I see beyond colors
I feel beyond passion.

But snow stays peacefully
No words must be said
For Dukkha will form
and kill the hanged man.

A leap I have taken
Racked the terms of life
But nothing here is fixed
And a spin it shall be.

Summer Songs

The Lido Jubilee Christmas Special 2004 (Lai Fah Wong Goong) showcases some of the best vocalists in Hong Kong. I truly enjoyed watching the performance in Genting. But what drove me to tears and to screams of laughters were the songs. I call them Summer songs because they were warm, tender and reminiscent of my late Mother. These were the songs that she used to sing to me as a child. I came home and tried to locate the book where she wrote down the transliteration of the songs from Chinese to English. To my dismay it was no where to be seen. I wonder if it has been boxed and kept in the basement.

Even if I can't find the book ever again, each time I hear the melody of the songs it will be Summer time.

Happy 2005

This is my first post for year 2005. I procrastinated because I have too many things to write. I was not sure as to how I should write and if it would be misunderstood.

I am in a very confused state now. So much has happened lately that I fear my limited experience can't handle. Perhaps I won't be able to grow with the events that affect me directly.

For once I feel I have liberated myself from my obsession but I hope I won't transfer it to a new attraction. Once bitten twice shy. I should learn from the past. If I learn to shut up I think I will be able to balance out the situation. Be less suspicious and keep an astute mind. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

In the homefront, things are messy. I don't want to elaborate on it because I seriously do not know where to start. Suffice to say I am disappointed and hurt. But with time I will be able to battle out a fair judgement mentally; because I always like to make peace.

My career path is on a hault. I am making drastic changes.

Happy New Year! I wish you all a meaninful and healthy 2005. May all your dreams come true.

Sincerely,
肥妹仔 Wendy

Nature's anger

My heart sank as I read the news. An earthquake in Sumatra caused a tidal wave that swept across the coast line of North Malaysia. As of today, 53 people are confirmed dead. But the death toll in Asia reaches 23,000...

Suddenly it made me feel small.
Like a dot of insignificance.
Numbness and pangs of sharp pains filled my body
As I flick through the pictures of damaged houses,
broken homes and watered grounds.
Faces of despair and despondency
roamed the streets of twisted faith.
What have we done wrong
To deserve rejections -
to pay the penalties with blood and tears.
If nature's anger roars
No single man is spared.
For each and every man is one.
The hurt of one is shared by all;
for their loss is mine to keep.
But let my warm wishes
sincerely pass to them
The love and care of one,
be absorbed as part of all.

With Metta,
Wendy