you and me

It is easy to be attracted to a person physically. I am not sure if you know of someone who slowly consumes your thoughts, actions, emotions and ultimately your life. To be honest, I was a fool to have once surrendered myself completely to an individual. So far so that I was living for the happiness of this person to my detriment. My expections of this person to provide emotional stability was immensely high that it reached a point of absurdity. I professed to love deeply but the person I wrongfully love was myself. The more I pursued this relationship, the darker the day became.

I was told that I was attached to this person and a realisation did appear but not for long. When a relationship is based solely on what's on the outside, it is doomed to fail. The emotional gush and the feeling of lightness will soon subside. A grave mistake comes into being when one marries at this stage. Because once the initial romance dies, there is nothing left for the couple to love.

Expectation and demands are evil. It is not about one person having a right to demand another person to do some gratifying acts. It is like a child demanding for a new toy and you see him rolling on the floor exploding in anger and tantrums. Parents often feel hurt and guitly for not being able to provide for their child, or else they are irritated and do as told. Emotional blackmail is the name of the game. Once we fall prey to emotional blackmail - because we do not want to hurt the other person, we in actual fact are worried that if we do otherwise, no one will like us; especially if it involves someone we claim to dearly love. Emotional blackmail works squarely on our weakness of wanting to be liked and popular.

If this realisation begins to crack the root of my devotion, then I am allowing the light to flow in. Before the first crack occured, I felt the entire world breaking into tiny pieces, like shattered glass. From each fragment I see different reflections of the same thing in every possible distortion. To see the truth, I have to stop looking at the reflection but seeing the object.

It is but a shadow and thought I love.

beware

In the vast universe, one can't help but to feel small and insignificant. Physically, it is impossible to be in two places at the same time. With the advent of technology, CCTV cameras are hooked to several rooms and we vaguely can see what's happenning elsewhere. BBC and CNN deliver news through the idiot box. We are aware of wars, accidents, natural disasters and coronations without having to leave our cubicle.

The Internet is yet another wonderful discovery for mankind. The concept of virtual reality comfortably replaces the immutable physical impossibility. When one is online, the universe suddenly shrinks. We find ourselves communicating with friends from Hong Kong and the US in real time even when one resides in Malaysia. One can easily purchase a limited edition CD from Amazon.com prior to its worldwide release. One can participate in an online virtual tour of a prestigious 6-star hotel. Four-D presentations will soon replace the flat two-D cinema shows.

Even when everything becomes closer, faster, shorter and efficient; what is the lingering loneliness?

No matter how advance technology can get, emotional dissatisfactions exist. Someone who uses the latest PDA phone and laptop finds himself drowning in alcohol and waking up in the morning with different women. Someone who owns a mansion still sleeps with a younger man behind her husband's back. Someone who is religious is as imposing and narrow-minded as an atheist.

On the other hand, someone who does not use a mobile phone and lives in a shabby apartment still buys the cheapest beer and sleeps with his neighbour's wife.

In this ever expanding universe, we feel tiny and unconnected to the higher source. We don't stop for one second to deeply understand our very own existence and to question the descriptions of the world; but instead divert our energy to chasing after material gains, physical victories and false spiritual answers.

Perhaps we will never learn.

substance

Sometimes people misconstrue arrogance for courage. A decent and most innocent statement can be made to assert one's position and to show that one is better than the rest. The tomato is not launched by mistake. It is the intention and not the action that matters more. Self-praise whether direct or indirect is no praise.

This brings to mind a story.

Once there was a monk who declared to the world that he was the best meditator and spiritualist. He graduated from the fine school of Chariot. He claimed that no storm or Tsunami can move him once he is in a meditative state. He will not get-up even if the wind blows him dry and the sun scorches his skin. The news of this great sage travelled across boundaries. People came from everywhere to challenge the monk or to worship him. No matter what they did, he remained nonchalant. Some even threw stones at him but he didn't wink an eye. He said that he has divine protection and it seems that what he professed was true.

Far away in a distant land, there lived a hermit in a cave. Even he heard of this magnificient monk and he decides to challenge the monk. So, in his dark cave he lit a candle and wrote the monk a letter. Through many hands, the letter finally reached the monk. When he opened the the envelope and read the content of the letter his anger shot higher than his ego. "How dare this tiny hermit calls me a piece of shit!" he roared.

The monk got-up immediately, mounted a horse belonging to his disciple and rode for 3 days and 3 nights to where the hermit lived to teach him a good lesson of manners and courtesy.

When the hermit saw the monk he said calmly, "Oh! I thought nothing could move you?"

search

Would I offend many if I say that everyone is looking for God in all that they do? The atheists do not believe in the existence of God. The agnostics keep to a neutral position. The believers do not doubt their doctrines.

Nevertheless I dare submit that God is not found in doctrines, books and scriptures. These are merely tools and a representation of the Beloved. God is not to be believed for its very existence. God is in every step we make in life to search for betterment. To a writer, her writings reflect a relentless quest for the truth. What moves her and from which value does she form her opinions? All that she writes only go to show that the truth, which teases her from the corners of world, is her search for God.

The word "god" causes one to stop breathing for 10 seconds. Each time it is mentioned and each time another person asks "Do you believe in god?" you ponder. It is not caused by the need to formulate a smart reply but it questions the very foundation of your philosophy and you realise that you have none of your own other than those read from books, learned in school and copied from others. It is a case of lost cause when one does not know God in the flowers, the trees, friends, enemies, family and oneself.

As far as it goes, an ant knows God from each micro-cube of sugar it pilfers from the canister.

routine

Without freedom from the past there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent. It is only the fresh, innocent mind that is free. Freedom has nothing to do with age, it has nothing to do with experience; and it seems to me that the very essence of freedom lies in understanding the whole mechanism of habit, both conscious and unconscious. It is not a question of ending habit, but of seeing totally the structure of habit. You have to observe how habits are formed and how, by denying or resisting one habit, another habit is created. What matters is to be totally conscious of habit; for then, as you will see for yourself there is no longer the formation of habit. To resist habit, to fight it, to deny it, only gives continuity to habit. When you fight a particular habit you give life to that habit, and then the very fighting of it becomes a further habit. But if you are simply aware of the whole structure of habit without resistance, then you will find there is freedom from habit, and in that freedom a new thing takes place.

J. Krishnamurti

bend

i fell asleep while staying awake
in that episode i dreamt it was all over
what isn't mine is not for me to take
forgive the giver release the receiver.

i was wide awake while trying to sleep
in that episode it all started again
what is mine i didn't want to keep
i only want the fantasy to end.

questions were asked answers denied
by one who is keen and not fit to judge
i wish for no one in trust to confide
only for peace in truth to divulge.

why do you burden me with accusations
that you treasure in a woman of might
let me deal with my conditions
it is my life, my view and my right.

when you look in the mirror to see
your reflections are bent and so is your thought
a quiet afternoon with the company of tea
your storm corrupts the tea leaves to rot!

spirits

Skepticism is not my middle name and neither is blind faith. I won't dare to say that there is no God or that God is man-made. Not in the sense that He is an almighty creator. There is something uncanny about this theory.

I believe that there is God and he lives in each of us in the image of Christ, Buddha, Allah, Moses and all the Prophets. I hope in the final analysis all religious views will lead to one conclusion that God is not for us to fight and die for. God is there if we don't judge another person based on his color, culture, status and belief systems.

At this point of time the materialists judge another in accordance to the clothes they wear, the type of house they live in, the brand of car they drive and which university they graduated from. The idealisits expect others to favour what they like and think as good quality stuff. "You love what I love." The spiritualists condemn those who seek pleasures from bodily pursuits such as food, sex, wine and entertainment. Going to a football game is an obsession.

Nonetheless there are those who preach the middle path. Everything in moderation. This seems to be a palatable idea since nothing is taken to the extreme. But is the principle of middle path understood correctly? I don't think it means if one desires a BMW one should purchase a Toyota. It seems rational because a Toyota is a better car than the Malaysian made Kancil but it is not a luxurious collection. What weird thinking!

Perhaps the middle path refers to the state of mind, what it conotes rather than denotes. The meaning behind the middle principle is that we shouldn't let desires corrupt our mind. A BMW 7 series is only a type of car and if we like this car it doesn't make us any greedier or more humble. It is the value that we attached to driving a certain type of car that turns our attitude to being arrogant. It has no effect on us if we drive the car the same way we ride a three-wheel bicycle. This is not a naive proposition. It is just merely not applicable in a status conscious world. Not with the flashy advertisements and Hollywood blitz hammering into our heads what is the cool way to live.

It is definitely not the car. It is the mind. Take away the car and replace the subject with a religious book, a house, a degree, a shirt, a laptop and whatever else. We are little kids lost in civilisation who are sick of the sickness. The sickness is ignorance and the cure is knowledge.

slacking

Plain old inertia is the underlying cause of many of our day-to-day difficulties. You will be feeling listless, oppressed, weighted down by lassitude; you won't want to do anything at all. You may feel persecuted: "Why shouldn't I sit around if I feel like it?" You may feel you are not in the best condition physically, with aches and pains that nobody understands.

To release yourself from this inertia, the first step is physical. The worst thing you can do is rest. Rest is what you have been doing; what is required is to get moving ons omething. Superficial physical symptoms may come by way of protest: a dull, throbbing headache, nerves on edge, a head as heavy as your heart. Get up and go for a walk - and walk fast, even if you don't feel equal to it. Try to walk a little faster than you feel you can.

After ten minutes or so you will find yourself breaking through that physical lethargy. Keep walking, and you will see that the rhythm of your breathing has improved, your spirits are lighter, you are ready to face the next challenge of the day.

E.E.

factor

If someone asked me what is it I love doing; I don't know how to provide a simple answer. I will probably give a long-winded thesis and by the time I finished the questioner will regret asking me that. By the time I finished talking I probably have no idea as to what I just said. Because it takes more than language fluency to utter one's truest desires. It is easy to produce a bunch of junk-filled answer. All I need are big words and jargons and I could throw in some quotations by famous people. I can bring in Socrates or Seneca and this could impress some folks. But I know deep down it is immitation. I am no different from a copy machine.

It is an old trick and even lame, to live the dreams of others. Someone I met for the first time on the train, an acquaintance turned friend told me that I only need to take two extra steps to make a difference in my life. Pick up the pen and start writing. Find a place, pay the rent and start a Tarot business. Write a script or should I say complete the story and find a cast. It takes only two steps with a lot of effort.

You see I have this habit of talking to strangers. The main reason I enjoy taking the train and all sorts of public transports. I meet all types of people and not all are safe to talk to. But when I set my intention right, the good folks just keep coming to me one by one.

Sometimes we find ourselves not getting anywhere and we feel this deadening frustration taking over. We are almost aimlessly stuck with a degree. I reckon almost every Tom, Dick and Harry has a degree, a masters' degree or a PHD and in fact all three. I guess after driving around the career path for almost 5 years, it is not what degree that counts; but how determined is our will and how much we love what we do that keep our wheel spinning. We need the technical knowledge so obtaining the right kind of education does help. However if I love what I do, I don't need a piece of paper and test results to prove that.

I have nothing agaisnt proper education. The word civilisation in Chinese is a combination of two root characters; bright and literacy. Literacy here is interpreted in a broader sense to include knowledge. We need technical, scientific and artistic knowledge. Can I point out that any kind of knowledge will be of no use to one who has no wisdom and thus the light (bright). I am not playing a word game here. It is important that all that we have learnt in school, at home, at work, during trainings and in the library are applied in the best way possible and it need not be in a conventional way acceptable by the society.

This means one who studies law need not be a lawyer and his education is not wasted. His legal training will be with him even if he does not call himself a lawyer. Which occupation pays more and provides for better job prospects must not be the main deciding factors of choosing a career. Our career is not a job, it is living a life.

Schools, teachers, guardians and parents shouldn't make doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers and gangsters out of children. They should make a human out of them. With a fully functioning heart and mind, they can understand what makes them leap with joy and these children are then aware of what they love to do for the rest of their lives.

reminder

Self-centered desires need a lot of attention to thrive. They are like delicate houseplants, not very hardy. Unless their needs are met precisely, they cannot last long. If we do not water and fertilize them regularly - think about them, dream about them, plan and wish - they will wither and die.

To get plants to thrive, it is considered helpful to talk to them in soothing, friendly tones. Destructive desires thrive on talk too; the more we talk about them, the stronger they get. So whenever you feel driven by a compulsive, destructive urge, don't analyze it; don't talk about it; don't dwell on it. Turn your attention away from it by throwing yourself into work for others. It can starve the desire away.

E. E.

newbie

I started a new blog http://dclips.blogspot.com/

It is named "daily clips" which means it is light writing and thus light reading. Well it has to focus on different issues and perspectives of things. Perhaps you can take it as a comic strip that you read in the newspapers. It is part of the newspapers as a whole but it is given a lot of space to be sarcastic, humorous and even a little sick at times compared with the dead serious news you read on the headlines.

It is my alter-ego.

a thousand faces

This journey we call life is not easy and no one said it is. For starters I don't think we are sinners who fell from the Garden of Eden, remember Adam and Eve? Our task is not to collect merits, do a lot of charity, help others in order to gain an entrance to Heaven; back into the the Garden of Eden. Look at Mr. John Constantine who didn't want to go to Hell and so became a half-breed hunter, exorcist and ghostbuster hoping to earn a one way ticket to the holy Kingdom. Only when Constantine did an act not out of his selfish need to redeem himself from the sin of suicide, did he truly understand the true act of charity.

Heaven is not a destiny, it is within our hearts. We can see it when we truly do an act for others, for this society, for this world and not doing something in hope and in fear and in duress. We don't have to "go" to heaven as if we must board a plane to reach a place. The scene of Constantine ascending to heaven is only a metaphor. It is to signify that we have surpassed the selfishness which dictates all we do to finally commit a pure act of sacrifice for others.

We have to live this life holistically and not waste the goodness we are born with. Try to extend a helping hand to those in need. Of course do remember not to impose your whims and fantasies on others. Very often do we judge what is good and what is bad based on our beliefs that are tinted with prejudice. We don't really see a person until we look without prejudiced-eyes.

For people like Capt. Bala, Michael, Bro. Quek and Bro. Tuck Loon who serve mankind, you are the hero with a thousand faces.

wonka bar

Desire is will. Every strong desire has a great deal of will locked up in it; the problem is that usually we do not have any control over it. In a compulsive desire, all that will goes into satisfying only that desire. Every time you can turn against a strong desire, therefore, it immediately strengthens your will.

You will also find your physical and emotional health improving, your relationships deepening, and your energy increasing. These are signs that you are going forward. The desire to go against selfish desires is the surest sign of grace.

E.E.

***

Many times I told myself that I invested a lot of time, effort and energy in one particular field. I have the desire to get what I want but finally I realise that there is nothing that I want. I am not speaking in riddles but because everything must eventually be manifested physically, words are the closest to explanianing what I truly see and understand.

Great spirits have always been persecuted by mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein-

wisdom in the air

To spend a certain amount of time working with people at a job that benefits others, in which our personal pleasure andprofit are not at all involved, nourishes both us and thepeople we help. It helps them directly, but it helps usindirectly, by enabling us to realize that we are a part oflife and have a contribution to make.

****

Loving someone does not mean automatically acquiescing to their every whim. Sometimes love shows itself in saying noto an attitude or desire that is harmful. But your opposing must be done tenderly, without anger or condescension.

This is a difficult art. Go slowly. Remember that it is better not to react in theheat of the moment. Whenever time allows, don't respond immediately. Speak and act when you can do so with patience and kindness. Remember, too, that the very best way to change someone is to embody that change with your own example.

E.E.

IQ & EQ

Your IQ :

You've got a very experiential way of learning and a strong mathematical mind and you have mastered the art and science of precision. That's what makes you a Precision Processor. For you, life is a series of equations.

Your brain is naturally predisposed to intense mathematical acuity, so it's second nature for you to cut to the heart of an issue, to discover quick solutions while others get bogged down in unnecessary details. This allows you to communicate a variety of ideas to other people, so don't keep it to yourself.

Note: I hate Maths!

~~



Your Unconscious Mind Is Most Driven by Peace.

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way. You have a deep respect for humankind.

You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

let's talk...

...business. I don't understand what this term means. "Business". Is it a sale and purchse transaction or a profit focused endeavour or a serious verbal lash-out? I am at a loss.

For such a long time, I felt comfortable having had someone to admire and idolize. You know, the same old story of "Whenever I am down, I turn on the music and drift away. Everything is dark and hazy, I feel so sad and it is the music that sheds some light. It is the only thing that keeps me going." Therefore should I meet the singer I tend to feel overtly oblidged to her because without that music, I wouldn't have passed my exams or I wouldn't have lasted the night my parents fought their hearts out. Is this true? Did the music keep me intact and the singer my saviour?

Perhaps I have exaggerated the entire episode. Maybe I did use the music as a protector, a defense against my doing some crazy things such as running away from home, taking drugs and these are common symptoms among teenagers. Yes, the music kept me grounded. Shall I say, I could identify with the music so that I ddin't indentify with the other social addictions which results were ghastly.

However the mind does bring the issue further, blowing up the importance of that music in my life. When I was a whole lot younger, I do imagine having my favorite singer - the idol as if she was the only person in the entire world who was good to me. Because I understand now much better that as human beings we all need to be accepted and endorsed. Having imagined a super-star liking what you did and giving you a pat on your shoulder is a very good feeling. This is a stark cotrast to our parents who holds the whip and rule book or friends at school who called us weird or teachers who sent us to detention class.

After much observation, this form of escape is not only pertinent to me as a teenager but it is an ineluctable trait in everyone irrespective of age, gender and race. We all want to be accepted and we try to prove ourselves worthy. We always have something to say, a point of view to make, rebelling agaisnt someone such as our employers and politicians, an organisation like the company we work for or the government and anything you can think of. From young we complain about the unfairness of how we are treated and it continues until the day we die! Heck! If a corpse could speak...

I guess the equation is relatively simple. I want to stay in my comfort zone because it feels safe and fantastically good. I want this idol of mine to be my saviour and I think myself into believing that the music is my only inspiration. Nothing else matters. I am such a dedicated fan. I only want my idol to be happy and I love her.

I can feel it in my guts that someone will say, "What is wrong? Nothing wrong in wanting to be happy and caring for someone you love. "

You know mate, fan is the abbreviation of fanatic.

sunny days

It should be warmer soon. I am yearning for more solar power. Although anyone who knows me realises that I require a portable air-condition; I sweat buckets. Throw me to Alaska and I probably will still be roaming around in shorts.

I have been doing some thinking and I can't help but to come to a tentative conclusion that human beings are servant of facts. Tentative because there are a handful who are aware that facts are mutable; in other words facts are not fixed. We are so used to the believe that facts are certain because certainty gives rise to security and this security gives us what we want, safety. There is a strong tendency for us to cling on to these facts, the child of science. No doubt that scientists come up with principles based on observations. To prove that their observation is correct they need to go into in-depth experiments; performing a series of tests and research. If they can prove their obeservations to be right, then their principles are accepted as theories that are workable, until a new discovery is made to improve or disprove its veracity.

If you stop and ponder for a while, we are all little scientists of our own rights. Since birth we are imbue with rock-solid principles, some sort of a system. Somehow we are conditioned to believe that this system will bring us what we need if we play by the books and do not derail. Therefore anything that fits into our system are acceptable and what don't are flushed out, ignored and discriminated. And of course some unfortunate souls are of the opinion that they are open-minded and that they accept "more" things and ideas that fall within the ambit of an authentic system.

The paradox - well, a system sets limits to being open-minded.

The irony - great things of our age are invented by those who derail and dare to think differently, until they are caught in a system of facts.

x-culture

Wendy, you're divinely inspired when it comes to Culture!

www.tickle.com

Get up and go? You've got it. You enjoy new experiences and new people because you are inspired by how others view the world. You're not only curious, you allow for the possibility that there are many ways to approach life. And what better way to find the right path for yourself than by discovering what other cultures admire as art, how they communicate with each other, and what they enjoy as delicacies. After all, it's the journey that's important to you, not necessarily the destination.

Since you're open-minded, you probably enjoy moving from one crowd to another, with equal enthusiasm for all kinds of people. And your natural ability to create a friendly environment for everyone will serve you well wherever your journeys take you. Bon voyage!

Note: I have to agree on the accuracy of this test result.

cookies

Imagine you are at KL International Airport, Malaysia.

While you're waiting for your flight, you notice a shop selling shortbread cookies. You buy a box, put them in your traveling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your traveling bag and pull out your box of shortbread cookies.

As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you opening the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one.

Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve? Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves. You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry.

So you go back to the shop and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies -- still unopened.

Only then do you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You'reseeing things from a new point of view.

Is it time to change your point of view?

Now, think of this story as it relates to your life. Seeing things from a new point of view can be veryenlightening. Think outside the box. Don'tsettle for the status quo.

Be open to suggestions. Things may not be what they seem.

Have a great day.

To the genius who wrote this article, THANKS.