airborne

i want to have a relationship with you
not one if you are cute and sweet, it makes me happy
i don't want you to only entertain and take me for ecstatic rides
i don't want you to merely smile at me from high above
and pat my shoulder once in a while.

i want a relationship which it is real
i know we are far apart
it is not our calling to be together
there are many demands
there is only one solution.

i don't want to keep you for myself
i don't wish to fend others away
i want a relationship
that you and i see eye to eye
and i can call you a friend.

slowly

we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.
greek philosopher, Epictetus

When is my prime?

Casey looked at herself in the glass. She smiled but from the reflection she saw a frown. She scrutinized the complicated mixer in front of Joe, the sound engineer and saw, “Mic 2 – Volume.” She was assigned Mic 2 however; it did not matter if she was given a baton or torchlight. Because regardless of what she did on stage, teeming young fans would tear down Hong Kong coliseum, gifts and praises poured like spells of rain and she would be the Best Newcomer of 2003.

The cup of coffee she was holding cleansed the musty smell of electricity in the stuffy control room. Hot air scattered near Joe’s left ear. He turned and looked at Casey, “What is it that you want this time, Ms. Superstar?” He sounded impatient but dare not annoy the on demand pop idol.

“Oh, nothing. Err… I just want to bring you a cup of coffee. Hee hee.” Casey smiled bashfully, piercing Joe with a set of oval-shaped diamond eyes. Nervously, she passed the cup of coffee to him. Shaking his head, Joe accepted the offer and reluctantly placed it on the floor; a gesture indicating that she ought to disappear now.

Nonetheless, she plastered her slender legs to the floor. She tapped his shoulder and asked, “Do you think I am pretty?”

“I don’t know.” Joe replied sternly.

While Casey was bombarding Joe with childish questions, they did not realize that two inexperienced assistant sound engineers, Donnie and Wai were watching them closely. These eager souls wished their ears had wings that could fly nearer and record what Casey and Joe were on about.

“Wai, I told you what the newspapers said are true. They are having an affair. She did visit him in the house.”

“Of course! I notice that Casey is always watching out for Joe and tries to talk to him all the time. Too bad we can’t hear what they are whispering to each other.”

“Donnie! Look! She is passing him a love letter and a CD.” Wai’s eyes enlarged so big that they were about to jump out.

Casey thanked Joe and walked away. She skipped pass Donnie and Wai, who pretended to untie a roll of wires. The two giggled and each brewed nasty thoughts about the innocent young singer.

In the dressing room, top make-up artist and hairstylist were fussing over Casey who was due to accept an award and to perform in 15 minutes. She was extra anxious that evening because she left her heart in the control room. “Would Joe do it? What happens if he doesn’t?” She repeatedly asked herself until she didn’t realize that her manager David was signaling her to get ready. He pointed to his wristwatch signifying that it was time. She felt a gush of panic serum infused into her blood stream. Her legs clutched into a spasm and she shut her eyes to cut away the fame and glory for a few moments.

Both the artists smiled in gratification. Their masterpiece was about to reveal herself in public. Casey smiled too as she always did whether she was happy or sad. After a while, she felt numb and couldn’t tell the difference between being happy or sad, good or bad and love or hate.

“Casey, darling. You are on. Remember to stay cute and flash that smile of yours.” David grinned as he wrapped his arms around her.

He moved closer and murmured, “This award is important. You should be proud that you won. Don’t disappoint the company. Put on a good show.”

The guest presenters announced the name of the winner. Joe stared into space after reading Casey’s letter. He caught sight of Casey walking vibrantly upstage and she smiled. He watched her every move and cold sweat formed on his forehead. His fingers fiddled with the control switch.

The letter lay on the floor next to a cold cup of coffee, the earlier hot coffee that Casey brought to Joe. He picked up the letter and read it again.

DEAR JOE,

I am sorry for causing you so much of troubles. For the past two weeks, I was hanging around you because I found out that you are the chief sound engineer of the award show. Yeah, the one where I will be presented the Best Newcomer title, which I don’t think I deserve. I know you are the only person who can help me but each time I see you, I don’t have the courage to ask you. So, my last chance is to write you this letter. I hope you will read it before it is too late.

Everyone knows I cannot sing and I even sound terrible on CD. What am I doing in this industry? How can my fans support me? Just because I have a pretty face. I feel that I am lying to the whole world especially to the fans that spend their money to buy my records. Who can sing about KFC, McDonanld’s and Pizza Hut but me?

I watched Sally’s 25th anniversary concert and that prompted me to think and re-evaluate where I am. If I want to be a singer, Sally is the person I so deeply wish I can be. She has a beautiful voice, flawless showmanship and what motivated me most was her sincerity to herself, her fans and music. These are the qualities that I don’t have. I am not even sincere to myself. There must be a reason why she is still going strong after 25 years. Where would I be after 25 years if I continue the way I am? When is my prime? Having a pretty face wouldn’t last me for 1 year what more one quarter of a century.

During the concert, I sat quite near to Sally’s fans. They sang, shouted and screamed her name. “Sally, we love you! We love you!” I know they meant it and Sally deserved every support she gets from fans who came from all over the world. I even saw a Western gentleman who truly enjoyed her show. When can I ever perform like her and touch the hearts of my fans with my sincerity and talent and not with a plastic face?

So, Joe I understand that this could cause you your job and your reputation are at stake. I won’t force you to do it but I hope that you will think about it. When it is time for me to perform, boost the volume on Mic 2 and play the CD I passed to you. And leave the rest to me. I know this will cause me everything but what is it that I have earned so far which has not been pre-arranged? For once, I want to do something for myself and for my fans. I want to sing!

Thank you.

With deepest appreciation,
Casey

PS: I owe you my life.

Soon after the master of ceremony pronounced that Casey will perform her “Fast Food Chain” song, a million screams were heard from among the crowd. Casey smiled but her eyes were set on Joe. Although she was miles away from him, he could feel the pleas from her gaze. What should he do?

Joe inserted Casey’s CD. The music began to pump and Casey tried to speak from her microphone but could not hear a sound. She was disheartened. The dancers pounced onto the stage and circled around her. She was nailed put and continued to gawk towards the control room.

“Please, Joe. Help me.” Casey begged with tears forming in her eyes and she knelt down on the ground.

Even when she was not singing, her frail voice was heard circulating in the coliseum as it was broadcasted from the control room.

Suddenly, Joe stopped the CD and turned on the volume of Mic 2. The audience could hear Casey sobbing uncontrollably and one person started clapping. In no time everyone else cheered in unison.

Casey stood up slowly and placed the microphone to her mouth. “Hello.” She uttered but still trying to catch her breath. She closed her eyes and counted to five and opened them again. At that precise moment, she could see for the first time what she was doing on stage clearly and understood the purpose of existence. She knew she had to fight for what she believed in.

“I am sorry. But I can’t accept this award because I don’t deserve it.” There was a complete silence in the coliseum while David nearly choked on his saliva.

“I apologize to everyone here, especially to my recording company and more so to my fans. Every time I hold this mic in my hand, I feel like a liar and I am cheating each and every one of you. I know by my actions tonight, I will lose everything. But it is ok. They were never mine to begin with. I am tired of pretending.”

Casey paused. Not a single person made a movement or said a word. They were hypnotized by the guts and honesty she emanated. David on the other hand was very worried if he would be terminated by his employer. Before she could do further damage, he ran to the control room but it was a little too behind schedule.

“Prior to my leaving and say goodbye forever, I wish to do one more thing. At least give me a chance to be truthful, just once. Let me sing for you with this microphone. Volume on. Thank you.” Casey held the microphone up like Lady Liberty and flashed a smile to the spectators. One by one, those present clapped and in the end all gave her a standing ovation.

Casey looked at Joe and as though understanding her cue, he played the CD, which she gave to him in the morning. A familiar tune filled the air and it was not a melody from her album.

“I know this is not my song. I wonder if I will get into trouble for singing it but I hope Miss Sally Yeh won’t mind. I really love this song. Sally is a singer whom I respect and love the most from the bottom of my heart and I wish to sing this song because it will mean a lot to me.”

The audience cheered even louder and with her eyes fixed on them for the last time, she sang the second verse of “Ling See Sap Fan”, the 1984 hit which propelled Sally to success. One must admit that Casey was not exactly a singer with a voice but what shined through that evening was her sincerity.

Joe picked up the cup of cold coffee from the floor and took a sip. “You don’t owe me anything now.”

Cart

Nandi, the scared bull is the vehicle of Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva is a manifestation of the one, the universe and the trimurthi in the form of a destroyer. He is in a meditative position and when he awakens and opens his eyes, he gets up to dance. The world is destroyed.

This is a beautiful mythology because it sinks in us the need to create and to destroy, to hold on and to release. Because even if we collected all energy in us, we have to discharge them. Only then would new things come about and we are not caught in the struggles of time. Past and future are all we know but we never understand what is present.

I think the most vivid example I can use is my recent uncontrolled craze for Sally Yeh (popular Hong Kong singer-actress). The many who have encountered with me during the past one week would have seen me floating in a daze. Although the event is over, it perpetuates in my mind. I am trying to maintain the happiness I feel for as long as possible. At the same time I plan for the future that should I meet up with Sally again, I want the goodness I felt two weeks ago to continue forever.

The wonderful time I had with Sally is not something I should cling on to and use it as a cushion to keep myself comfortable. This is a pathway to being obsessive. It is always very painful to let go of something beautiful but this pain is obviously self-generated. The mind uses a good memory to defend itself against other miseries and surrows that are actually inflicted by the same mind!

How do you keep a drop of water from evaporation? By throwing it back into the ocean. It is only by letting go, Sally will remain radiant and free. It is full of contradictions and how can some thing that I let go remains with me? It is not a physical release. It is not about riping her posters from the wall, selling her cds and giving away news clippings to other fans. These methods are purely external acts to show others like a charlatan wearing a yellow robe.

When Lord Shiva gets up, ignorance is dispelled. When he dances, attachment to worldly pleasures and security are destroyed. When I am free from Sally, I truly love her. Because the love then is no longer one of self-satisfaction ie. if Sally smilles at me she likes me, if Sally talks to me she prefers me, if Sally does not look at me she hates me, if I let her sign too many posters she will be angry. When my action and inaction no longer are dependent on a result that will benefit me, I truly love her. Because there is no me. The ego is completely destroyed. The world in its illusionary form is destroyed. What I see are Sally and everyone else and me as the universe. Then, I truly love Sally. There are no demands, no judgements, no prejudice and inequality.

People are busy, educated and proud for "mystic mumbo-jumbo" and the quest for the spiritual grail. In the end, you are known for where you lived, what is your profession, where you studied, who do you know, what clothes you wear , how much you earn a month, who are your idols, what sports do you play, what books do you read and what car do you drive. But the missing thing in all these material wealth is you will never know what is life because to know life is to place the bull before the cart and not the cart before the bull. Nandi, your spiritual companion will lead you through life and illuminate your mind. Only when you free yourself from the ideas, concepts and systems that you place the cart behind the bull, and allow a spiritual and mystical journey to unfold.

Move on

Sometimes it is so heavy, the steps I take do not lead anywhere. The burden I carry soil my shoulders with uncountable tear drops. I want to give up and end everything there and then. But sometimes I dream and in that dream I see a laughing child. He holds a torch of life, a flower of breath and a seed of love. This child walks towards a direction that leads everywhere. In everywhere there is the child. How can this be? It is impossible. It is only a dream. When I awoke, I feel heat in the body, air in the lungs flowing through the nostrils and the universe lifting the sky above me.

Sound

One day Sariputta was confronted by a Brahmin who abused him verbally. When his words did not affect Sariputta, the Brahmin became even more furious. "Didn't you hear what I have just said?" shouted the angry Brahmin. " Do you have nothing to say to all my insults?"

Sariputta smiled gently and replied, " Well, my friend, I do hear you loud and clear. But since I know that you have nothing useful to say, I hear only sound vibrations, and I do not listen to the words, so I am not affected by their meaning."

Maya

Emotionally one is fragile. Physically one is vulnerable. Spiritually one is uncertain. Psychologically one is conditoned. Socially one is deceived. Where else can one go for solace?

Inside the heart, where the mind is not overpowering and not shadowed by feeble feelings of temporary love. How long can one be lured by the carrot before our face? It has become habitual to replace a rotten carrot with a fresh juicy apple. The most interesting part is that we voluntarily place the bait in front of us and we stupidly chase after it. Does it give out a sense of satisfaction when we finally catch the runaway carrot and chew on it or when we are sick and tired of carrots we grab an apple from down the road?

No more baits. Just be simple and present. We don't sincerely love anyone until we stop chasing after things to keep ourselves happy. Wishing for yourself to be happy is the greatest sin you can commit. Because very often, you justify your happiness with "as long as I don't hurt anyone. I am using my time, my effort and my money." How crude, selfish and inconsiderate you can be. Ultimately, you only think about yourself and no one else. To start from this premise, it is already wrong.

Your ego is so big that you believe that nothing is as important as yourself and the imaginary world you live in. You think that certain people you like are there to keep you entertained and happy. Again the flaw is, do you genuinely like or love or adore this person? Seriously, I would like to think otherwise. Forgive my bluntness but you only love yourself. You need the so-called person you love to respond to you positively and endorse everything you do. This gives you a sense of security and identity. Basically, it is the very crux of existence. You can jump at me but deep down, you know the truth.

If there is anything I see and do, I want me to die and what is to emerge from Maya (illusions).

Thank you for the music!

I was listening to ABBA the other day and "Thank you for the Music" was the song that leaped at me. It struck me immediately that if there was a song I can dedicate to Sally, it would be the one below. I changed a bit of the lyrics so as to customise the meaning for the current situation. But I hope you can still sing to the tune of the song.

The recent Genting concert brought back a lot of memories, some sweet and some rather challenging. But I am glad that Sally is apart of them and her music fills up every corner of my life. I realised that the music is not merely notations on paper transribed to sound but they are real; I could almost touch them with my hands.

Sally, this may not be truly original, but whatever creativity that has been put into it, I give them to you.

I was not a smart kid, in fact I don't even smile
If I try to speak, it is not even worthwhile
But I heard you sing, you opened my heart
The sadness and fear seems to fall apart
Nothing makes me frown
Cos you're the gold of my crown.

Chorus:
So, I say thank you for the music
The songs you're singing
Thanks to all the joy you're bringing
Who could leave without YOU
I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without Sally and songs what are we?
So, I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me.

Mother was angry cos Sally is the theme of my talk
She said study now or she'd bring out the lock
But someone I love, helps me to fly
Sally takes me high up to the sky
Like a melody can
Well, I'm so proud, to be your fan!

Chorus

I am so lucky, you give so much of love and care
I want to sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!

Chorus

Make it through the day

Suddenly what has always been clear becomes tinted with shadows of doubt. As long as it doesn't crowd the center and swing the oscillation out of place, minor disturbances are acceptable. After all uncertainties in life are unavoidable.

I was talking with a friend about an indie film ie unreleased in local cinemas. He gave it so much of credits that I can't help but to tell him that the film is not a story but mainly focuses on sensationlism. It is on making a statement which is story telling is never about. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 feet pole. He looked at me blank as if I spoke Greek to him. I wish I did because I certainly love Greek culture.

"There is a story. It is so obvious," he retorted.

I raised an eyebrow and told him, it is not a story because therer is no characterisation. Again he heard Greek from my mouth. To save him the pains of trying to decipher a language of antiquity I asked him one simple question. "Why would a prostitute want to keep an illegitimate child? Knowing very well it would impede her work. "

His intelligent reply was, "But there are so many children born out of such situation. Look at Thailand."

That was when I geared up and said, "But why? Why not abort the child? This is the issue that we must examine deeply in the story. Because we must tell the audience the values of this woman who insist on keeping the child. What are her moral values as a person, more specifically a woman in 1980s, which is 20 years ago. Don't look at her as a prostitute but let's examine her character. You cannot use a child of prostitute mother to senstionalise the story. Then it becomes shallow because you work on assumptions. Never assume anything, even the most obvious."

He thought for a while and began to make sense. "Maybe despite her job, she is human and the maternal part of her urged her to keep the child. She wanted or hoped to produce something good out of her filthy life. Too far fetched?"

"Ah, then the story will take a different turn. This means she wanted something to live for because there is nothing good in her life. This child is like a diamond among glass beads. This is a story about hope. To get to this, we must first establish a lot of things about her character. We can juxtapose it with other prostitutes from the brothel etc. Create events to prove this side of her character."

Our conversation carried on pretty well because despite being a man, he could think like a woman.

Human, all too human.

A group of working adults got together to visit their University Lecturer. The Lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.

When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke: "If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."

"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."

what is wrong?

I called my aunt who lives in England yesterday. Everything is fine with her and my uncle and cousin. I checked with my teacher-employer from London, his family is well too. Nevertheless, his place of business is right next to Russell Square Station and I hope no damage is done to persons and property.

My mind being too chatty and busy lately did not inquire for an understanding as to why such devastations would befall mankind. Lives of people going about minding their own business were crushed to unrecognizable pulp. It just proves that human beings did not learn and we are still as primitive as we have been. The only advancement that took place is technologically, which led to building and an amassing of weapons of destruction. Globalization only makes us smaller, weaker and more vulnerable to attacks. It is now so easy to kill, to destroy, to pulverize a country. All it takes is one bomb and logistics is never a hindrance. Stealth planes and submarines evade the radar screens.

Man is heading to destroy but never to unite. We always say that the heart must not rule the head for emotions drown the mind with tears. But don't ever forget the these are the tears that cleanse and soften the hardness of the mind whose logic and reasons deny love and compassion.

Peace cannot be brought about by war and violence. Peace is not a movement of non-violence either. Peace is a balance of mind and heart; of reason and love.

Blessings and love to those who see and to those who are blind. May the divine light shine upon all equally.

a light unto oneself

I am the truth of all human beings because as I breathe, so do they.

God made the illusion look real and the real an illusion. He concealed the sea and made the foam visible, the wind invisible, and the dust manifest. You see the dust whirling, but how can the dust rise by itself? You see the foam, but not the ocean. Invoke Him with deeds, not words, for deeds are real and will save you in the afterlife.

Rumi, "Mathnawi"

restless

Again and again a hollow bamboo intrudes my psyche.
But I search not for something to fill the space.
It is not the void I fear;
But the acceptance of void, which unites the whole of Truth.

chained in freedom

Not having freedom should infuriate one's common sense. Compared to a prison inmate, one is obviously free to roam and do what one fancies. In comparison, a worker who earns nine hundred dollars a month can't spend all his money freely because he needs to feed his family and pay rent; while a tycoon whose income hits milllions a month finds ways to discharge cash and to elavate his status in society.

Refugees and child brides rejoice a peaceful stroll in a place called home. Somewhere in a highly-riched society, a college student demands his father to buy him a sports car. On the other side of the globe, a 17 year-old's only dream is to attend school and learn to write her name.

I am not about to conclude that the rich and spoilt do not appreciate the fortune which befall them or those in poverty struck should beg the mercy of powerful nations for help. Rather I am looking at or observing if the disparity between the wealthy and the poor is caused by a basic human necessecity named will.

What is will? What do you understand by it? It is an attitude in doing something, to want something or as a motivation speaker puts it, determination. But if one looks deeper, what is will? It is desire. A desire to own, to buy, to study, to win, to reach a goal, to achieve a dream and to be free. To have the freedom to do what one likes.

In societies where Western philosophy dominates all thinking, everyone speaks of freedom. Every politcal party ensures freedom in a democratic country. Undoubtedly, even in the East, especially far east like Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Japan this influence sinks in and solidifies comfortably.

Nevertheless it is dangerous because uncurtailed freedom leads to degeneration of humanity. The gap between the rich and the poor is wide and those who are in power exploit the weak. Why? In the name of freedom, isn't it? Because the will of man is selfish. The determination so-to-speak only points to you and only you. And it assures you that it is perfectly fine to aim high, to go far, to make money and to fulfill your dreams. The best method is to make enough money in a short time. Pay now and play later. The weak remains weak and the poor gets poorer. Freedom is not a fruit they taste and know how to plant. It is only for the manipulative will of the top dogs.

All this talk about freedom is actually rubbish. Think about it. Why do we need to shout for freedom in the first place? It is because we feel that we are deprived of certain things and something precious has been snacthed from the grip of our hands or we have the desire to want something. In a large scale, one country invades another; in business one company takes over another; in a relationship a girl wins the love of a married man; at home an elder brother bullies his younger sister; in school the strong guy extorts money from the physically challenged and these examples can go on and on. Since young, we are told to guard what is ours and to fight for what we want. Never to let others take them from us. And thus these things become our pride and fear. Pride because they enhance our identity and fear because we can't lose them. So, we device ways to protect them. This does not only pertain to tangible things but also to the intangibles like our freedom of speech, freedom to marry whom we love, freedom of eduction among others.

All these, we have been indoctrinated to believe that they belong to us - belong to me. The I is again emphasied. If these are mine, no one can take them. I have inherent fear that they will be taken from me. Thus, humans make up many things to protect this so-called freedom. Wars, politics, education and status are a small proximity of mechanisms used to make us feel secure.

Don't judge or even analyse. But watch for yourself. See if each and everyone of us is chained by the very thing we call freedom.

Muslim Reading

Sever the chains of the ego. Set yourself free and witness the bright essence of your inner being. Discover within your heart the wisdom of a prophet without books, without teachers, and without prudence.

taken from Mevlana Jalal-e-Din Mohammad Mevlavi Balkhi Rumi, "the life and thought of Rumi"

Same

I am departing from where I started in truth, spirit and righteousness. No longer is there light but restlessness and I question why?

Because I do not see that everything is the same.

Silly

The thoughts that haunt the mind come from the past and are projected into the future. What happened in the past accumulates and burdens the mind causing emotions to flare. Something as innocent as a pen on a table triggers the anger and hate for a friend. The mind builds them up by creating juicy visuals like a movie unfolding in a cinema. Such emotions are bodily reactions, which we can feel and they affect us negatively. Upon observation, these thoughts of the past have finished and what the mind imagines to occur in the future have not or will never happen. The unhappy situations involving the friend are over and what lives on are mere memories and a tarnished ego.

Isn't it ridiculous to hang on to previous pains and not only that, there seems to be a need to add more sorrows by continuing them in the future?

Eternal Surrender

It is funny when you are actually aware and not just think that you are aware of how much crap you have accumulated in life. It's like taking drugs. For those who have tried it, I am sure you know what I am on about. Or for those who drink to drown sorrows only to wake up with more pains than before. The things we do to avoid pain, anger, disappointment, sadness, strife, jealousy and sorrows but only to accept it we will never do.

It can't happen to me. I can't be unhappy so when that feeling of sadness or anger comes, we run and more often we blame. It is not my fault. We blame everything from our broken childhood to dominating parents to quota system for the the privileged to inconsiderate work mates to selfish teachers to our useless spouse to the driver next to us and the list is never ending. We spend so much time and effort blaming others only to feed our anger and negative thoughts.

Perhaps, we enjoy being in pain because in this state we feel comfortable. We are accustomed to it and we become numb. It takes a lot of effort to get out of it. Not because there is a better, bigger and sweeter reward when we do. But it is a fact that sinking in pain is unhealthy, almost insane. However looking at the state of humanity it is normal to be insane.

Nevertheless, if you can just step out of this madness and stop popping that pill. What there is is merely short term pleasure and not eternal love. The happiness you feel is temporary and once the situation changes, your entire kingdom of smiles collapses.

The junk we have absorbed is just too much. We move so much. Even when we rest our mind continues to be in neurotic spins. Thoughts from the past charges in to stir our stillness and worries for tomorrow never leave us.

Just be present. Don't think. Don't move. Just be here NOW.

I am.

It is an under statement. Until I experienced it I do not know. I merely have an idea of, or an identification with inspiring books and poetic quotes. At times of emergency the Being literally surges itself and everything remains as still and peaceful as it is. This is it. It is This. The non-mind is just there, where time does not operate I am "that" dissolves, disappears and I am is just there. Just I am. Not because I think, but I am.

I chose this because...

How to unite differing opinions? I am perplexed by the majority of people who believe that what they like or prefer is decided by their reason / logic. When are we ever reasonable when it comes to choosing or loving an object? (which includes people as well.) We talk ourselves into believing that we are logical based on past experience, the current situation and conditioning.

Let's take one thing at a time. What is past experience? Probably it is a memory that signals the failures and success we faced and should we find ourselves trapped in an awkard situations, we draw into our memory looking for a solution or guide. The other factors which are working at the same time are the influences in our daily life such as the neighbourhood we grew up in or the type of books we read.

I am sure you can agree that what we experienced and are influenced by the most ridiculous and if not abnormal instances that shape our thinking and logic. Then, how can what we like and dislike be based on reason or logic that is suppose to be flawless? Flawless in sense that what we do is truthful, sincere and righteous.

Actually, what we like or dislike appeals to our five senses - our feelings. Namely what we see, hear, taste, touch and smell. If we are logical no one would be smoking or drinking alcohol and there wouldn't be road rage and a 18 year old brother would not rape his 5 year sister.

Our natural state can be quite brutal. Ever held a gun in your hand? Watch how your heart pounds and thoughts start running wild in your head. Knowing that if you pull the triger and the gun is loaded, the life of a person who is standing in front of you is threatened. Now, imagine the person standing in front of you is your enemy. The person you hate most. Under such circumstances, what would you do?

Of course you may astutely say that you will never pull the triger or even hold a gun in your hand. But watch yourself. What are you doing? You are denying and escaping from the tendencies of the violence in you. Are we logical or merely surpressing our natural feelings that stimulate our senses?

You may think that supression is a logical way out. But think again. Is it logical? It is something that works on our feelings which in the first place is a mixed-bag of mumbo-jumbo. Denial is never a logical but only adds a layer to protecting or hiding the struggling natural state. Sooner or later what is boiling underneath will over flow and explode like a volcano.

Under what circumstances are we near being logical? Almost never. Every decision we make tends to satisfy our perpetually hungry five senses. From choosing which world religion to follow to our favorite singer. (Pun intended.) And even something as simple as what to eat for dinner.

You may think that I am cynical or even sinister. But it is a realisation that I must have and accept and do something about .

Good luck to you.