2007

The glory of the human being is our ability to remake ourselves. The Buddha is very rightly called the Compassionate One because he holds out hope for everybody. He doesn't say our past has been dark, therefore our chances are dim. He says whatever our past, whatever our present, the sky is bright for us because we can remake ourselves.The Buddha says, be a good wood worker. Consciousness is the wood, and you can make it take any shape you like. Just as a carpenter works the wood to build a house or a fine piece of furniture, similarly we can fashion the responses and attitudes we desire: love, wisdom, security, patience, loyalty, enthusiasm, cheerfulness.

E.E.

Happy New Year. Spread your wings and fly.

the 3 treatments

Prince Zhan goes to see the Royal Doctor one night in secret. His heart racing as he pushes the door into the doctor's chamber.

Prince: I want a prescription.

Doctor: Yes, Your Highness.

Prince: Poison...deadliest.

Doctor: Arsenic, vapours without a trace upon consumption.

Prince: It sounds perfect but...doctor?

Doctor: Yes, Your Highness.

Prince: Anything more deadly?

Doctor: Of course! (Pauses) The human heart. (Bows with respect).

***

Queen Ping Wah leaves her palace without a guard on a moonless night. She heads north toward the Royal Doctor's clinic.

Doctor: Your Majesty, I am at your service.

Queen: I need some questions answered.

Doctor: I give only my best, Your Majesty.

Queen: Is arsenic the darkest of all poisons?

Doctor: Absolutely. I have found no other competitors.

Queen: Very well, prepare a dosage for me but before that...doctor?

Doctor: Yes, Your Majesty?

Queen: Are you very certain that it is the darkest? Anything else that you have missed out?

Doctor: But of course, no poison is darker than the human heart. (Bows with respect).

***

General Ma left his company of officers much earlier than usual. It was just after midnight and as he disappears into the night, he went on a detour to visit the Royal Doctor.

Doctor: My Lord, what a pleasant surprise!

General: My old friend, Ching. It has been a long time since we met.

Doctor: Yes, while you defend the country with the power of your sword, I am ashamed that I only spend time with herbs and plants.

General: What is the might of a sword compared with the wit of a mind? You defend by saving lives while I defend by taking lives. The ground turns red.

Doctor: For the longevity and prosperity of His Majesty, the Heavenly King, we perform the tasks our postion brings upon us with loyalty.

General: Loyalty can make us blind.

Doctor: No, it is power that makes us blind.

General: Yes, something as innocent as a plant has enormous power to crush the life of a strong and well trained soldier.

Doctor: The silent killer is often the most addictive.

General: Can you spare me some?

Doctor: Yes, my old friend.

General: The most lethal.

Doctor: Arsenic.

General: I trust you but what is more poisonous?

Doctor: I believe it is the human heart.

stage life

Life is a kind of play in which we are called upon to play our part with skill. But in meditation we are sometimes more like the audience, while our thoughts are the actors. If we could go backstage, we could see all the actor-thoughts getting made up. Anger is there putting on his long fangs. Fear is rattling his chains. Jealousy is admiring herself in the mirror and smearing on green mascara.

Now, these thought-actors are like actors and actresses everywhere: they thrive on a responsive audience. When Jealousy comes out on stage and we sit forward on our seats, she really puts on a show. But on the other hand, what happens if nobody comes to see the performance?

No actor likes to play to an empty house. If they're real professionals, they might give their best for a couple of nights, but after that they're bound to get a little slack. Jealousy doesn't bother with her makeup any more; who's going to admire it? Anger throws away his fangs. Fear puts away his chains. Whom can they impress? Finally, the whole cast gives it up as a bad job and goes home.

In other words, when you can direct attention, your thinking will never be compulsive again.

E.E.

hour glass

The fact is that chattering and talking are signs of a weak mind; the need to talk and to entertain or else one will feel bored. It is not fun unless one creates a joke, dramatises and gets everyone to laugh. Perhaps it is a long term conditioning of the mind that one has to be accepted and be lovable. And the only way to achieve that is through ceaseless talking and words.

The uneasiness of being alone with another person is annoying. Because then the mind starts to wonder what the other is thinking about us. Maybe one is wearing a wrong shirt or one is over weight. Because when no words are spoken, silence invites all sorts of imaginations. The reason being the mind cannot be quiet. It has to be constantly working, analysing, judging and criticising. Should the mind remain still, it is deemed that the person is stupid.

A quiet person is not stupid. A talkative person is not a genius. The saying, "an empty vessel makes the most noise" in truth means that a person who knows next to nothing, is one who wouldn't keep their mouth shut. Because it is a method used to disguise their stupidity and to distract themselves from the present moment.

One who is wise feels full and calm and is in no need to express their thoughts to convince or to entertain anyone. Wisdom here has no connection with intellect and a university degree. Wisdom is to have an awareness of the power of now.

The mind is built for survival and it is constantly setting new goals, targets and plans. What is at the present is not victorious enough. It is not a success. The future, somewhere out there on the time line, that's where real victory has planted its flag. To get there we always neglect what is before our eyes. And after much ups and downs, we are at the "future" we want and the flag disappears to another further spot on the time line.

Ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?"

metta

May there be peace, trust and compassion on earth.

I send you love and light.

doves & bats

There is nothing easy about learning to love. The real romantic must be very practical: it takes a lot of hard, unromantic work to sustain any human relationship. Naturally there are going to be differences between you and your partner. Identical twins have differences of opinion, so whyshould two people from, say, New York City and Paris, Texas, expect life together to be smooth sailing?

Even on the honeymoon there may be difficulties. You open Pandora's box expecting a lot of doves and out come a couple of bats instead. You have to be ready to say, "The doves are there; they're simply lying low. Why don't we get to work and shoo away these bats?" Rather than dwelling on the negative, try to respect the potential in the other person and help him or her to realize that potential through your support. If you want a relationship to get deeper and deeper with the passage of time, you will go on strengthening it all your life.

E.E.

jet

...the greatest love of all...

...is easy to acheive...

...learning to love yourself...

...it is the greatest love of all...

I have thus planted the first seed and so I shall allow it time to grow. I am not attached but I am not indifferent either. For in her I see me and in that I see all and in all I see God. Whatever route I take, I eventually come back to full circle. The step I take now leads me one inch closer to that which is within. It is a spiritual quest. Who is it that I love but myself? And what is self but God?

sige

This is my song. "I say it best, when I say nothing at all."

When I do speak my thoughts and feelings, the person who listens gets the wrong impression. So, it is really worthwhile for me to maintain status quo.

Nevertheless, what is in my heart is the purest emotion, but words are not the only method of talking.

Silence is the root of all communication.

I miss you.

battery

A faceless old man wins the lottery

Choking his heads in foolish money

A lifeless life is like a defunct battery,

a bear finds joy from slurping honey!

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

you and me

It is easy to be attracted to a person physically. I am not sure if you know of someone who slowly consumes your thoughts, actions, emotions and ultimately your life. To be honest, I was a fool to have once surrendered myself completely to an individual. So far so that I was living for the happiness of this person to my detriment. My expections of this person to provide emotional stability was immensely high that it reached a point of absurdity. I professed to love deeply but the person I wrongfully love was myself. The more I pursued this relationship, the darker the day became.

I was told that I was attached to this person and a realisation did appear but not for long. When a relationship is based solely on what's on the outside, it is doomed to fail. The emotional gush and the feeling of lightness will soon subside. A grave mistake comes into being when one marries at this stage. Because once the initial romance dies, there is nothing left for the couple to love.

Expectation and demands are evil. It is not about one person having a right to demand another person to do some gratifying acts. It is like a child demanding for a new toy and you see him rolling on the floor exploding in anger and tantrums. Parents often feel hurt and guitly for not being able to provide for their child, or else they are irritated and do as told. Emotional blackmail is the name of the game. Once we fall prey to emotional blackmail - because we do not want to hurt the other person, we in actual fact are worried that if we do otherwise, no one will like us; especially if it involves someone we claim to dearly love. Emotional blackmail works squarely on our weakness of wanting to be liked and popular.

If this realisation begins to crack the root of my devotion, then I am allowing the light to flow in. Before the first crack occured, I felt the entire world breaking into tiny pieces, like shattered glass. From each fragment I see different reflections of the same thing in every possible distortion. To see the truth, I have to stop looking at the reflection but seeing the object.

It is but a shadow and thought I love.

beware

In the vast universe, one can't help but to feel small and insignificant. Physically, it is impossible to be in two places at the same time. With the advent of technology, CCTV cameras are hooked to several rooms and we vaguely can see what's happenning elsewhere. BBC and CNN deliver news through the idiot box. We are aware of wars, accidents, natural disasters and coronations without having to leave our cubicle.

The Internet is yet another wonderful discovery for mankind. The concept of virtual reality comfortably replaces the immutable physical impossibility. When one is online, the universe suddenly shrinks. We find ourselves communicating with friends from Hong Kong and the US in real time even when one resides in Malaysia. One can easily purchase a limited edition CD from Amazon.com prior to its worldwide release. One can participate in an online virtual tour of a prestigious 6-star hotel. Four-D presentations will soon replace the flat two-D cinema shows.

Even when everything becomes closer, faster, shorter and efficient; what is the lingering loneliness?

No matter how advance technology can get, emotional dissatisfactions exist. Someone who uses the latest PDA phone and laptop finds himself drowning in alcohol and waking up in the morning with different women. Someone who owns a mansion still sleeps with a younger man behind her husband's back. Someone who is religious is as imposing and narrow-minded as an atheist.

On the other hand, someone who does not use a mobile phone and lives in a shabby apartment still buys the cheapest beer and sleeps with his neighbour's wife.

In this ever expanding universe, we feel tiny and unconnected to the higher source. We don't stop for one second to deeply understand our very own existence and to question the descriptions of the world; but instead divert our energy to chasing after material gains, physical victories and false spiritual answers.

Perhaps we will never learn.

substance

Sometimes people misconstrue arrogance for courage. A decent and most innocent statement can be made to assert one's position and to show that one is better than the rest. The tomato is not launched by mistake. It is the intention and not the action that matters more. Self-praise whether direct or indirect is no praise.

This brings to mind a story.

Once there was a monk who declared to the world that he was the best meditator and spiritualist. He graduated from the fine school of Chariot. He claimed that no storm or Tsunami can move him once he is in a meditative state. He will not get-up even if the wind blows him dry and the sun scorches his skin. The news of this great sage travelled across boundaries. People came from everywhere to challenge the monk or to worship him. No matter what they did, he remained nonchalant. Some even threw stones at him but he didn't wink an eye. He said that he has divine protection and it seems that what he professed was true.

Far away in a distant land, there lived a hermit in a cave. Even he heard of this magnificient monk and he decides to challenge the monk. So, in his dark cave he lit a candle and wrote the monk a letter. Through many hands, the letter finally reached the monk. When he opened the the envelope and read the content of the letter his anger shot higher than his ego. "How dare this tiny hermit calls me a piece of shit!" he roared.

The monk got-up immediately, mounted a horse belonging to his disciple and rode for 3 days and 3 nights to where the hermit lived to teach him a good lesson of manners and courtesy.

When the hermit saw the monk he said calmly, "Oh! I thought nothing could move you?"

search

Would I offend many if I say that everyone is looking for God in all that they do? The atheists do not believe in the existence of God. The agnostics keep to a neutral position. The believers do not doubt their doctrines.

Nevertheless I dare submit that God is not found in doctrines, books and scriptures. These are merely tools and a representation of the Beloved. God is not to be believed for its very existence. God is in every step we make in life to search for betterment. To a writer, her writings reflect a relentless quest for the truth. What moves her and from which value does she form her opinions? All that she writes only go to show that the truth, which teases her from the corners of world, is her search for God.

The word "god" causes one to stop breathing for 10 seconds. Each time it is mentioned and each time another person asks "Do you believe in god?" you ponder. It is not caused by the need to formulate a smart reply but it questions the very foundation of your philosophy and you realise that you have none of your own other than those read from books, learned in school and copied from others. It is a case of lost cause when one does not know God in the flowers, the trees, friends, enemies, family and oneself.

As far as it goes, an ant knows God from each micro-cube of sugar it pilfers from the canister.

routine

Without freedom from the past there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent. It is only the fresh, innocent mind that is free. Freedom has nothing to do with age, it has nothing to do with experience; and it seems to me that the very essence of freedom lies in understanding the whole mechanism of habit, both conscious and unconscious. It is not a question of ending habit, but of seeing totally the structure of habit. You have to observe how habits are formed and how, by denying or resisting one habit, another habit is created. What matters is to be totally conscious of habit; for then, as you will see for yourself there is no longer the formation of habit. To resist habit, to fight it, to deny it, only gives continuity to habit. When you fight a particular habit you give life to that habit, and then the very fighting of it becomes a further habit. But if you are simply aware of the whole structure of habit without resistance, then you will find there is freedom from habit, and in that freedom a new thing takes place.

J. Krishnamurti

bend

i fell asleep while staying awake
in that episode i dreamt it was all over
what isn't mine is not for me to take
forgive the giver release the receiver.

i was wide awake while trying to sleep
in that episode it all started again
what is mine i didn't want to keep
i only want the fantasy to end.

questions were asked answers denied
by one who is keen and not fit to judge
i wish for no one in trust to confide
only for peace in truth to divulge.

why do you burden me with accusations
that you treasure in a woman of might
let me deal with my conditions
it is my life, my view and my right.

when you look in the mirror to see
your reflections are bent and so is your thought
a quiet afternoon with the company of tea
your storm corrupts the tea leaves to rot!

spirits

Skepticism is not my middle name and neither is blind faith. I won't dare to say that there is no God or that God is man-made. Not in the sense that He is an almighty creator. There is something uncanny about this theory.

I believe that there is God and he lives in each of us in the image of Christ, Buddha, Allah, Moses and all the Prophets. I hope in the final analysis all religious views will lead to one conclusion that God is not for us to fight and die for. God is there if we don't judge another person based on his color, culture, status and belief systems.

At this point of time the materialists judge another in accordance to the clothes they wear, the type of house they live in, the brand of car they drive and which university they graduated from. The idealisits expect others to favour what they like and think as good quality stuff. "You love what I love." The spiritualists condemn those who seek pleasures from bodily pursuits such as food, sex, wine and entertainment. Going to a football game is an obsession.

Nonetheless there are those who preach the middle path. Everything in moderation. This seems to be a palatable idea since nothing is taken to the extreme. But is the principle of middle path understood correctly? I don't think it means if one desires a BMW one should purchase a Toyota. It seems rational because a Toyota is a better car than the Malaysian made Kancil but it is not a luxurious collection. What weird thinking!

Perhaps the middle path refers to the state of mind, what it conotes rather than denotes. The meaning behind the middle principle is that we shouldn't let desires corrupt our mind. A BMW 7 series is only a type of car and if we like this car it doesn't make us any greedier or more humble. It is the value that we attached to driving a certain type of car that turns our attitude to being arrogant. It has no effect on us if we drive the car the same way we ride a three-wheel bicycle. This is not a naive proposition. It is just merely not applicable in a status conscious world. Not with the flashy advertisements and Hollywood blitz hammering into our heads what is the cool way to live.

It is definitely not the car. It is the mind. Take away the car and replace the subject with a religious book, a house, a degree, a shirt, a laptop and whatever else. We are little kids lost in civilisation who are sick of the sickness. The sickness is ignorance and the cure is knowledge.

slacking

Plain old inertia is the underlying cause of many of our day-to-day difficulties. You will be feeling listless, oppressed, weighted down by lassitude; you won't want to do anything at all. You may feel persecuted: "Why shouldn't I sit around if I feel like it?" You may feel you are not in the best condition physically, with aches and pains that nobody understands.

To release yourself from this inertia, the first step is physical. The worst thing you can do is rest. Rest is what you have been doing; what is required is to get moving ons omething. Superficial physical symptoms may come by way of protest: a dull, throbbing headache, nerves on edge, a head as heavy as your heart. Get up and go for a walk - and walk fast, even if you don't feel equal to it. Try to walk a little faster than you feel you can.

After ten minutes or so you will find yourself breaking through that physical lethargy. Keep walking, and you will see that the rhythm of your breathing has improved, your spirits are lighter, you are ready to face the next challenge of the day.

E.E.

factor

If someone asked me what is it I love doing; I don't know how to provide a simple answer. I will probably give a long-winded thesis and by the time I finished the questioner will regret asking me that. By the time I finished talking I probably have no idea as to what I just said. Because it takes more than language fluency to utter one's truest desires. It is easy to produce a bunch of junk-filled answer. All I need are big words and jargons and I could throw in some quotations by famous people. I can bring in Socrates or Seneca and this could impress some folks. But I know deep down it is immitation. I am no different from a copy machine.

It is an old trick and even lame, to live the dreams of others. Someone I met for the first time on the train, an acquaintance turned friend told me that I only need to take two extra steps to make a difference in my life. Pick up the pen and start writing. Find a place, pay the rent and start a Tarot business. Write a script or should I say complete the story and find a cast. It takes only two steps with a lot of effort.

You see I have this habit of talking to strangers. The main reason I enjoy taking the train and all sorts of public transports. I meet all types of people and not all are safe to talk to. But when I set my intention right, the good folks just keep coming to me one by one.

Sometimes we find ourselves not getting anywhere and we feel this deadening frustration taking over. We are almost aimlessly stuck with a degree. I reckon almost every Tom, Dick and Harry has a degree, a masters' degree or a PHD and in fact all three. I guess after driving around the career path for almost 5 years, it is not what degree that counts; but how determined is our will and how much we love what we do that keep our wheel spinning. We need the technical knowledge so obtaining the right kind of education does help. However if I love what I do, I don't need a piece of paper and test results to prove that.

I have nothing agaisnt proper education. The word civilisation in Chinese is a combination of two root characters; bright and literacy. Literacy here is interpreted in a broader sense to include knowledge. We need technical, scientific and artistic knowledge. Can I point out that any kind of knowledge will be of no use to one who has no wisdom and thus the light (bright). I am not playing a word game here. It is important that all that we have learnt in school, at home, at work, during trainings and in the library are applied in the best way possible and it need not be in a conventional way acceptable by the society.

This means one who studies law need not be a lawyer and his education is not wasted. His legal training will be with him even if he does not call himself a lawyer. Which occupation pays more and provides for better job prospects must not be the main deciding factors of choosing a career. Our career is not a job, it is living a life.

Schools, teachers, guardians and parents shouldn't make doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers and gangsters out of children. They should make a human out of them. With a fully functioning heart and mind, they can understand what makes them leap with joy and these children are then aware of what they love to do for the rest of their lives.

reminder

Self-centered desires need a lot of attention to thrive. They are like delicate houseplants, not very hardy. Unless their needs are met precisely, they cannot last long. If we do not water and fertilize them regularly - think about them, dream about them, plan and wish - they will wither and die.

To get plants to thrive, it is considered helpful to talk to them in soothing, friendly tones. Destructive desires thrive on talk too; the more we talk about them, the stronger they get. So whenever you feel driven by a compulsive, destructive urge, don't analyze it; don't talk about it; don't dwell on it. Turn your attention away from it by throwing yourself into work for others. It can starve the desire away.

E. E.