Yellow yellow, dirty fellow!

"This is what is happening in every day life. For the entire life people act like a moth attracted to the flame, completely hallucinated, not knowing that the flame will burn. While they still have the power to fly they will continue to go towards the flame. "
By Kyabje Lama Zopa Rinpoche

Again I am under the devious spell of hallucinations. The power of desire is overwhelming that I have to fight a violent battle. Whenver I feel upset and before I go a step further, I ask the potent question. "Is it caused by my ego which comes from attachment / desire?"

I have the ability to laugh at my own foolishness. The quotation above rings true like a subtle bell neutralising the filth on my mind. Whenever something annoys me it is because I allow it to. It is because that "thing" has distrubed what I believe to be good and virtuos. For example a poem I wrote, my films or my principles that I hold on so tightly; attachment. Because they are mine and they have to be right.

Of course they are right in my point of view. Whether I get validations from others, it does not make my poem "righter" or my films "truer". See the point? Like wise if others criticise my work or trash my beliefs they don't make my poems and films worse. It is all on my mind. My allowing others to influence my fluctuating mind because of my attachment to what is mine.

By attachment I refer to the flame. No doubt everyone needs to have the drive, the aspiration to do something. The flame is good. But it is not the doing but the "becoming and being" that is important. What I mean is the lesson that I learn from doing something and not the end product which is important. If we are attached to the final product because I spent many sleepness nights, a lot of money and my brilliance to do something, then I will cling on to "my creation". When people chastise "my creation", I get upset. When people say I am this and that, I get upset.

You see, the end product or me the person per se means nothing. It is the process of creation whereby I learn about things I never knew existed or a discovery of an instilled feeling which causes the rapture in life; the search within that brings unending happiness. The tangible end product only brings unending miseries because we need constant encouragement to highlight our greatness. The condition of "becoming and being" is a state of mind and not a grapable thing.

If one thinks this way, one won't be attached to the end product, to the big "I". Create, learn, let go and move on. Letting go and moving on are essential. Or else the end product which includes our physical selves will tie us to the depths of craving, envy and hatred. The bottomless pit of ignorance.

I go through this everyday. I do get upset if someone says something bad about me. But it is entirely up to me to decide if that thing should irritate me or not. That's when I have to be mindful. Step back and watch my irritation and anger. Learn and then let go. It is never easy. I am still learning.

The thing is, after writing this whole piece I must also let it go. The journey of writing it helped me to reflect on a lot of things and to move on. This is not a great piece of work that others need to praise. =)

Ciao!