Saturday, March 05, 2005

Here and There

Forgive my inconsistencies and unorganised thoughts in this post.

I think personally it is not easy to forego the past. Who can ever truly have such insights that the past is but empty? There is no time (past, present, future) but an illusion of the irrational mind. Chances are that if I attempted to tell this to anyone, I'd probably get beaten into pulp.

It is not that these people don't see it but they see it as being absurd. Honestly, the world is built on working towards the future. The psychological division of time is INDOCTRINATED into each and everyone living soul on earth. Every philosophical theory is centred on struggles and over coming struggles. It starts from "I" or "We" or the "state" which is a personification of a bigger "I". Man's relationship with nature, with himself and with his fellow brothers. It all falls back to the "I" whether as being supreme or subserviant.

Undoubtedly with the "I" comes all the seperations from birth to death. Every stage of life influences the next and the environment sneaks in to play devil's advocate. How can then the mind withstand such pulling forces from rationality and ultimately insight?

A physical revolution is merely a paradoxical game. Over throwing one ruling body only installs another authorised prejudice. Every system strives for perfection. Communisim didn't bring us equality but yet a sanctified power to treat everyone as an equal suffocating human rights. Where is equality before the law? No, I think the question is what is equality before the law? Don't even get to asking what is THE law?

Communism didn't work as in the books because man is forever caught in time. The ego is always too strong to give in to equality. Submission to the threat of the buying and selling power throws the entirety of mankind into loops of delusion.

It is the revolution of the mind that brings about peace. But it is a day too far in the distant that it becomes a forgotten dream. Many speak of it but who actually does it?

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I sometimes don't understand the games people play. To achieve what they believe as an ideal they refuse to listen, to bend backwards, to submit and to be kind. They uphold their gospel truths as the only method. They condemn others for being stubborn but aren't they the same for they too refuse to listen and to compromise?

I really don't understand... I only want to enjoy some good music. Is it too much to ask for?

I definitely don't understand. How can I make the same mistake TWICE?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Indiansed

I feel "Indian" today. I feel "Chinese" too and even "Malay", "Irish" and "African" and everything else.

I am hurt and I shall over come it and be non-hurt. I am becoming unhurt and project into the future an image of a stronger me. I will survive. But the problem is by wanting to become stronger and willfully fight the hurt or revenging on the person who brings me pain, I am maintaining the seperation of past, present and future; keeping this hurt in me but in another form. Entangled in psychological time. So by surpressing the hurt and becoming stronger in some future time, I am merely modifying this hurt and continue to being irrational. It is not about denying or escaping but to actually keep the hurt and feeding it with memories, experiences and thoughts.

Putting emotions and things into words merely corrupts what it is.

You know, I feel a change. Maybe an insight...

Sunday, February 27, 2005

When are Pros made?

Under the most unexpected circumstances.

If anyone were to ask me what editing software I am using now, I would say Adobe Premiere Pro 1.5 and it is self-taught. I started off with a much simpler version for amateurs. For some odd reasons the simpler version refused to work and even after reinstalling XP, I was facing the same problem. I couldn't capture the videos in widescreen 16:9.

At the verge of giving up, I went out to buy another version of Adobe Premiere. Nevertheless, there weren't any to be found except for Adobe Premiere Pro 1.5! Even Adobe Premiere 7 was not on sale. I thought to myself, Pro 1.5 wouldn't be that difficult to master. Fingers-crossed!

Well Pro 1.5 solved my problem but it is one heck fo a sophisticated software. The common features of the much more user friendly interface of Adobe 6.5 were there. However there are so many additional buttons, icons and menus that threw me into perplexity.

It just proved one thing to me. Professionals are not meant to look out for "user friendly" stuff. They want control of the tiniest of details so that they could manipulate each function to create perfection. There should be room for them to change this and that; unlike amateurs who prefer clicking on only ONE button and everything is done. But the settings are fixed and the result is plain and unattractive. For the Pros, they want to tweedle every knob and button if possible to ensure that no stones are left unturned. But I am no pro, trust me.

I am being forced to learn an entirely "automaticless" software but I tell you this baby can truly perform wonders. Perhaps if I didn't have problems with the earlier version, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to venture into Adobe Premier Pro 1.5 and discover how much more this software can offer.

Yep, if it ain't broken, don't fix it. What is "IT"? The thing or our brains? The thing may not break after years but our brains would stop moving forward and this ladies and gentlemen is RETARDATION. Very bad for health.

Maybe it is a lesson, an indicator and a big whip on my arse telling me to move and think OUT of the box! Be a little more adventurous and not to decay in contentment.

Outch!

Out of the Blue, Red & Black

I have not abandoned anything yet. Because I am not at the stage of purity. My mind is still attached to beliefs, systems and much influenced by the society. The Noble Eightfold Path is harvesting and hopefully will ascend my pace to complete silence.

*right view
*right intentions
*right speech
*right action
*right livelihood
*right effort
*right mindfulness
*right meditation / concentration

Possibly I am pre-empting the whole process by going to the final stage, "right meditation." Thus my reading of Krishnamurti if not understood correctly will throw me off balance. He brings you deep inside and rattles the principles that you hold on so dearly. I reckon Krishnamurti acts as a reminder to all of us that in order to have a "right meditation" is NOT to have the right view, intentions, speech, action, livelihood and effort. I strongly believe that "right mindfulness" means to realise that there is no right or wrong. When our meditation reaches the stage of "right mindfulness" it is no longer stuck in worldliness and trivial issues of what is positive and negative. The principle of duality ceases to exist and there will once again be unity. It is not a situation whereby we choose between one good thought over another. What is good? What is bad? Whenever there is a choice, it already presents a conflict. And anything not being absolutely good or bad can never be absolutely postive or negative. Essentially what is good for me can be bad for you.

The pilot that nuked Hiroshima and Nagasaki ended World War II and became an acclaimed hero. But is he? Think. Someone's got to do the dirty job. How can anything be completely fair? How can anything be complete when the who universe is moving and changing? How can something outward such as justice, freedom, courage, fame, wealth, spirituality, religion be used to justify our inward needs? All these experiences make us who we believe we are. But they are outside influences. Do we ever sit down and free our mind from thoughts and memories? Can we do that? Will we? WHAT ARE WE WITHOUT OUR MEMORIES AND PAST?

We meditate on a thought; watch it rise; make note and not react - surpressing our desire to react. Is this the right kind of meditation when we take sides? A good thought, anger, envy, desire, hate etc. When we label each thought and give them names. When we note that they are thoughts; a whole list of conditionings. Think. What are we meditating on? Basically we are meditating on a barrage of unfair and biased events. Stealing is bad, killing is evil, adultry is immoral. So we can't meditate on such thoughts. Why? Where is our mindfulness? If we have the "right view" these thoughts shouldn't be discounted as negative and cast aside or played down. We have taken the wrong step since day one because we are educated, compelled and subtly moulded to think in a certain way. To JUDGE something as right and wrong. Outwardly this judgement makes sense but inwardly we are being selfish.

Just ask yourself, is there anyone in your life that you have never judged? You even judge yourself. And ask yourself, who are you to judge? When we judge we create seperations. Each thing you believe in creates seperations and distinctions no matter how we promote it to enhance communion.

Unless you are certain, don't meditate because it only encloses yourself to what you believe as good and you forcefully evade what you think as bad. Taken to extremes, Hitler too believed that Jews were evil and annihiliation was an appropriate action to take against them. Because even good can have a darker side which promotes genocide. What is the difference between a person who meditates on goodness and wants to stay in a world where only good people live, thus builds a community for good people and not mingle with the rest whom she thinks as evil and a dictator? Again, who is she to judge?

In the end, the Noble Eightfold Path cannot be taken literally but on a deeper and subconsious level. Take it as far as you want so long as your mind is pure. Perhaps Lord Buddha was wise to advise his followers not to follow Him but to charter their own path individually. You are the world. The world won't change unless you change.