It is excruciatingly difficult to not to be paradoxical. I was reading Krishnamurti yesterday night and realised how he was struggling to not fall into the loops of paradox. I thought I was the only crazy soul on Earth having this problem. It looks like there are others out there. Perhaps plenty.
I have not joined many organised religions but after just a few times of interactions, I began to withdraw myself. Initially I thought I was strange for not being able to fit in. Later I just know deep down that something is "wrong" with organised religions. That in the end I only worship the people and not the divine. I became bound by rituals and habits without knowing why. And after a while it doesn't matter if I don't know why. I am praising my self outwardly because I am part of a group. Identification with an established association - the Spiritualists. And the ego enlarges. "What a good girl I am for attending prayer classes. I am not in a pub drinking myself to death." But really, who am I to judge?
It is a wrong turn since the beginning. Even during Lord Buddha's time, his teachings were misunderstood. Perhaps even the World Honored One too were caught in paradox. How to explain something which can't be put into words but only when the mind is silent one can be experiencing? When put into words it solidifies into a thought which has an ego.
How to put into words something unknowable when words are threacherous and insufficient?
How to rely on words when they are used by humans sarcastically? To hurt others and inherently believe that we have a right to do so because I am defending myself. What defense can it be when being sarcastic means making a fool out of yourself? It is ill humour and the joke is only on the maker of the statements. Because right inside, the mind knows. But on the outside the ego acts in contradictions.
But then how good are words? How good is a path? How do I speak without words that ultimately disproved what I have just said? How do I avoid the incompleteness of words?
I shouldn't utter this in words but take it as a representation. I shall not seek. Not seeking is also seeking for something that should not be seeked.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Rambling on
Just some thoughts here and there...
*When one is not in tuned with day and night, one has lost the balance in self-nature. When it is day time one should move and work while at night it is time for resting, rejuvenation and contemplation. A time of peace and quiet. A young child is allocated time to study, work, play and rest. But as an adult he has lost this balance. During the day he is alert and fills his mind with activities. At night his activities do not stop but continue with lights, people, drinks, cars, streets, parties, games and noise. No time to rest and to reflect. Always on the go. The mind is always restless. When nature is the best mirror to look into we turn away from it foolishly. Animals divide their time neatly according to it but humans find this method boring. A mundane life is not worth living so it seems. But an interesting life grows with the flow of nature and not against it. When it is time to work, work. When it is time to sleep, sleep and sleep well. For it is in resting we prepare for the next battle. Perhaps we should stop from our busy schedule and listen to our body and to watch the sun and the moon. How much we can learn from them and to live in harmony with ourselves.
*Sometimes the same person can reach out and keep you warm, care for you and make you laugh until you pee in your pants, dish out insurmountable sincerity and love. The same person can also annoy, irritate, hurt and ignore your feelings. But these are the ingredients of a relationship. It is a little sweet, sour, bitter and salty although never out of love, consideration and trust.
*The difference between a person who seeks spirituality from books and a person who dedicates his whole life to a monastery is that the former knows the theory, understands his faults but rarely practises the good. While the later practises what he memorises to be good but rarely understands them. In the meantime people still fight and kill in the name of world peace.
Ciao!
*When one is not in tuned with day and night, one has lost the balance in self-nature. When it is day time one should move and work while at night it is time for resting, rejuvenation and contemplation. A time of peace and quiet. A young child is allocated time to study, work, play and rest. But as an adult he has lost this balance. During the day he is alert and fills his mind with activities. At night his activities do not stop but continue with lights, people, drinks, cars, streets, parties, games and noise. No time to rest and to reflect. Always on the go. The mind is always restless. When nature is the best mirror to look into we turn away from it foolishly. Animals divide their time neatly according to it but humans find this method boring. A mundane life is not worth living so it seems. But an interesting life grows with the flow of nature and not against it. When it is time to work, work. When it is time to sleep, sleep and sleep well. For it is in resting we prepare for the next battle. Perhaps we should stop from our busy schedule and listen to our body and to watch the sun and the moon. How much we can learn from them and to live in harmony with ourselves.
*Sometimes the same person can reach out and keep you warm, care for you and make you laugh until you pee in your pants, dish out insurmountable sincerity and love. The same person can also annoy, irritate, hurt and ignore your feelings. But these are the ingredients of a relationship. It is a little sweet, sour, bitter and salty although never out of love, consideration and trust.
*The difference between a person who seeks spirituality from books and a person who dedicates his whole life to a monastery is that the former knows the theory, understands his faults but rarely practises the good. While the later practises what he memorises to be good but rarely understands them. In the meantime people still fight and kill in the name of world peace.
Ciao!
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