Pathless is a Path too

It is excruciatingly difficult to not to be paradoxical. I was reading Krishnamurti yesterday night and realised how he was struggling to not fall into the loops of paradox. I thought I was the only crazy soul on Earth having this problem. It looks like there are others out there. Perhaps plenty.

I have not joined many organised religions but after just a few times of interactions, I began to withdraw myself. Initially I thought I was strange for not being able to fit in. Later I just know deep down that something is "wrong" with organised religions. That in the end I only worship the people and not the divine. I became bound by rituals and habits without knowing why. And after a while it doesn't matter if I don't know why. I am praising my self outwardly because I am part of a group. Identification with an established association - the Spiritualists. And the ego enlarges. "What a good girl I am for attending prayer classes. I am not in a pub drinking myself to death." But really, who am I to judge?

It is a wrong turn since the beginning. Even during Lord Buddha's time, his teachings were misunderstood. Perhaps even the World Honored One too were caught in paradox. How to explain something which can't be put into words but only when the mind is silent one can be experiencing? When put into words it solidifies into a thought which has an ego.

How to put into words something unknowable when words are threacherous and insufficient?

How to rely on words when they are used by humans sarcastically? To hurt others and inherently believe that we have a right to do so because I am defending myself. What defense can it be when being sarcastic means making a fool out of yourself? It is ill humour and the joke is only on the maker of the statements. Because right inside, the mind knows. But on the outside the ego acts in contradictions.

But then how good are words? How good is a path? How do I speak without words that ultimately disproved what I have just said? How do I avoid the incompleteness of words?

I shouldn't utter this in words but take it as a representation. I shall not seek. Not seeking is also seeking for something that should not be seeked.