new cut

(click on picture for larger image)

This is the current androgynous look which I LOVE.

Boyish or girlish, I LOVE this haircut. Get it?

To the SY fans, sorry that I disappoint you. I no longer look like Mr. Fok.

***&***

I need some time alone. Instead of worrying what others think about me, use the power to make this world a better place. Be gentle and firm simultaneously; this is efficiency. The inner self reflects itself externally so stop pretending. It is a period for contemplation.

mushroom soup

The synchronized events probably were leading to yesterday's business meeting with JC's brother. It would never have struck me that new opportunities could pop-up like mushrooms. I seriously contemplated to cut all ties since I was certain that Swordy will be involved in my future dealings with him. However I miscalculated and undermined my abilities to deal with JC's brother in a fashion that I won him over. I hope to plan and execute a profitable project together with him especially in areas of my liking and expertise.

I won't count the chickens until they hatch. Nonetheless I do see a star; a wishing star.

Obviously it is wise that I should prioritize. You don't owe me a living and likewise I don't owe you one. Physical uprooting remains meanigless unless I undertake a mental overhault. Truth is a pathless land. It must be tested in life.

blurry

I agree that people do make bad judgements. You are a professional and I respect that you have your own stand. However if it was me I would never advise my client to continue chasing after something extremely remote and absurd. Anyone could tell that what she wants is not healthy and it is more than a formulation of a one-sided affair. The relationship she wants is like trying to hook a star from Mount Everest. Do you know that to climb Mount Everest is hazardous and she has no formal training in hiking? Even if she reaches the peak keeping the last part of her limb, she could barely touch the furthest possibility of her dream. Why do you encourage her? Is it because you need her to run back to you so that she sustains your lifestyle? I am not being cynical and negative but we all know her quite well and the situation is as bleak as the black hole. Maybe you should help to get her out, to let her know that she does not need this relatioship to find an identity, to feel security and to stop looking for certainty.

This relationship will kill her, if she is not already dead by now.

the last request

An excerpt from a letter:

Dear N.D.,

Is it worth it for me to waste so much of time and effort on you? Sometimes loving a person cannot be measured by what is worthy and what is not. But when it hurts I tend to find solace from such mundane questions - hoping that I can talk myself out of grief which probably ends in my finding faults with you. The fact that I am unbelievably attached to you is my own doing but can I blame you for being insensitive and temperamental? Talking to you is like corresponding with a wall. Even when I hit a wall I hear a "bang". With you I get nothing in return. Not a sound.

Maybe you are merely protecting yourself from receiving what others want to give you; something which you didn't ask for. Maybe I am really stupid for giving what you didn't request.

Perhaps silence is the best reply you can offer and retreat is the best move I should take.

From your childhood friend,
M.S.

Note: How about using that as the opening of a novel?

crooked routes

A friend who visits this blog constantly wrote me an email fearing that I would not want to answer him in person. It is nothing severe but the question he asked did ring a few bells. Firstly he wondered why isn't this blog like a "regular online diary thingy". The next question, "Are those spiritual stuff that interesting?"

I guess I will reply you here; if you don't mind.

To begin with I do have a vague idea as to what would amount to a "regular online diary thingy". Can I just say that it isn't my style to write down minute details of what happened to me. I am not too event-oriented, if you get what I mean. What attracts me is the meaning behind each event and how they shape my mental state. So yes, the writings here are about the psychological and emotional reactions to a physical event. But aren't these kind of reactions "regular" as well?

Spiritual stuff? What stuff? No, I am not saying that you are using a word that disdains the spiritual realm of things. Is there anything solid to be interested in and should I continue to elaborate further, I would be caught in a paradox. In short, if I try to verbalise and solidify spirituality I am obssessed with a making myself better and that is the very thing that spirituality speaks against. To give you an exampale, a person who chases after wealth ruthlessly realises that money can't buy him happiness and satisfaction. Ah! He sees the "light" he thinks. So he decides to become spiritual and chases after enlightenment, illumination, unification and whatnot. See the point?

Thanks for the email.