Out of the Box

I wonder if it is worth doing something or refrain from doing something. I woke up feeling the need to burst out of my cocoon. The environment is closing in and thus blocking my potential and screams for growth. I have to admit that I am someone who can't remain at one position for too long. I get horribly bored. Things must be on a move and new creations must burgeon.

Not that I don't want security and stability. I do. Actually I want both. There must be a stillness in my life, from where I can give everything my best shot. The point of stillness is inevitably my family; to be more direct my late mother. I can face all types of challenges because I know my mother will be there to support me and to knock my head when I indulge and to comfort me when I fall. But now that my pillar is gone for good, I have to stand on my own two feet. It's not that easy because I have to be supernaturally strong. But I believe that my mother has given me enough trainings and lectures to keep me going even in her absence.

Perhaps it is not a total loss. Perhaps she is always there watching over me. Perhaps she also wants me to take the rough rides because that will replace the hard knocks I received from her each time I erred. This whole journey that I partake simulates the relationship I have with my mother. If all mothers are symbolic of Mother nature then each breath I take, each step I make, each word I speak and each tune I hum; I do it for my very own mother and I do it for me.

My dad is a nice man. That's about it. One word says it all. He is a nice man. I shouldn't lament and comment too much because he is my dad and I know it was never easy to play his part. Sometimes I do know that he tries very hard and I do appreciate his effort. Although I don't say it but I hope he can understand.

The cocoon that is closing in is probably a mental one. Therefore a physical shift will not get me anywhere. It's merely escaping and denying.

I will listen to some music and read a book. Good night.