let's talk...

...business. I don't understand what this term means. "Business". Is it a sale and purchse transaction or a profit focused endeavour or a serious verbal lash-out? I am at a loss.

For such a long time, I felt comfortable having had someone to admire and idolize. You know, the same old story of "Whenever I am down, I turn on the music and drift away. Everything is dark and hazy, I feel so sad and it is the music that sheds some light. It is the only thing that keeps me going." Therefore should I meet the singer I tend to feel overtly oblidged to her because without that music, I wouldn't have passed my exams or I wouldn't have lasted the night my parents fought their hearts out. Is this true? Did the music keep me intact and the singer my saviour?

Perhaps I have exaggerated the entire episode. Maybe I did use the music as a protector, a defense against my doing some crazy things such as running away from home, taking drugs and these are common symptoms among teenagers. Yes, the music kept me grounded. Shall I say, I could identify with the music so that I ddin't indentify with the other social addictions which results were ghastly.

However the mind does bring the issue further, blowing up the importance of that music in my life. When I was a whole lot younger, I do imagine having my favorite singer - the idol as if she was the only person in the entire world who was good to me. Because I understand now much better that as human beings we all need to be accepted and endorsed. Having imagined a super-star liking what you did and giving you a pat on your shoulder is a very good feeling. This is a stark cotrast to our parents who holds the whip and rule book or friends at school who called us weird or teachers who sent us to detention class.

After much observation, this form of escape is not only pertinent to me as a teenager but it is an ineluctable trait in everyone irrespective of age, gender and race. We all want to be accepted and we try to prove ourselves worthy. We always have something to say, a point of view to make, rebelling agaisnt someone such as our employers and politicians, an organisation like the company we work for or the government and anything you can think of. From young we complain about the unfairness of how we are treated and it continues until the day we die! Heck! If a corpse could speak...

I guess the equation is relatively simple. I want to stay in my comfort zone because it feels safe and fantastically good. I want this idol of mine to be my saviour and I think myself into believing that the music is my only inspiration. Nothing else matters. I am such a dedicated fan. I only want my idol to be happy and I love her.

I can feel it in my guts that someone will say, "What is wrong? Nothing wrong in wanting to be happy and caring for someone you love. "

You know mate, fan is the abbreviation of fanatic.