GGBC

I don't play badminton but she does. The nearest I can get to the game is to wear a t-shirt which reads "BADMINTON" and it is one from her club. The towel and the fluffy bear too. I support her involvement in sports because she simply loves what she is doing now. This is more than enough. She can't be performing on stage and releasing albums forever, though I hope she would. I sincerely believe that as long as there is demand for her music, she will not leave. The entertainment industry is cruel and realistic and I don't wish for her to be mutilated by the same conglomoarate that launched her career. At this stage, it matters not to me if she wins awards or is elected the best pop singer again. I love her wholeheartedly. Deep down I do want her to get the recognition she deserves and the industry should honour this.

The press must stop reporting news that serve nothing but which will turn stale in a week. The reason being that false reports benefit no one; the media, the artists and the readers. Feeding readers with immoral rumours only destroy the values of the society. The negative impact is not only on the artists but most essentially on the minds of the people. The focus of each piece of gossip is on tragedies and journalist-created juicy stories. I find it disheartening that the media make money out of such scams and readers find pleasure from reading who is sleeping with who. The role of the press is to educate readers and to enlighten them on righteousness. It might be too ideal a call to follow and I feel that it has fallen on deaf ears.

On the other hand, she can be promoting badminton and participate in its business for a long time to come. In the field of commerce, life begins at 40. It will not be easy because the human element exists in every sector. PEOPLE give rise to politics and its devildry.

I just want her to be happy. Truly.

new cut

(click on picture for larger image)

This is the current androgynous look which I LOVE.

Boyish or girlish, I LOVE this haircut. Get it?

To the SY fans, sorry that I disappoint you. I no longer look like Mr. Fok.

***&***

I need some time alone. Instead of worrying what others think about me, use the power to make this world a better place. Be gentle and firm simultaneously; this is efficiency. The inner self reflects itself externally so stop pretending. It is a period for contemplation.

mushroom soup

The synchronized events probably were leading to yesterday's business meeting with JC's brother. It would never have struck me that new opportunities could pop-up like mushrooms. I seriously contemplated to cut all ties since I was certain that Swordy will be involved in my future dealings with him. However I miscalculated and undermined my abilities to deal with JC's brother in a fashion that I won him over. I hope to plan and execute a profitable project together with him especially in areas of my liking and expertise.

I won't count the chickens until they hatch. Nonetheless I do see a star; a wishing star.

Obviously it is wise that I should prioritize. You don't owe me a living and likewise I don't owe you one. Physical uprooting remains meanigless unless I undertake a mental overhault. Truth is a pathless land. It must be tested in life.

blurry

I agree that people do make bad judgements. You are a professional and I respect that you have your own stand. However if it was me I would never advise my client to continue chasing after something extremely remote and absurd. Anyone could tell that what she wants is not healthy and it is more than a formulation of a one-sided affair. The relationship she wants is like trying to hook a star from Mount Everest. Do you know that to climb Mount Everest is hazardous and she has no formal training in hiking? Even if she reaches the peak keeping the last part of her limb, she could barely touch the furthest possibility of her dream. Why do you encourage her? Is it because you need her to run back to you so that she sustains your lifestyle? I am not being cynical and negative but we all know her quite well and the situation is as bleak as the black hole. Maybe you should help to get her out, to let her know that she does not need this relatioship to find an identity, to feel security and to stop looking for certainty.

This relationship will kill her, if she is not already dead by now.

the last request

An excerpt from a letter:

Dear N.D.,

Is it worth it for me to waste so much of time and effort on you? Sometimes loving a person cannot be measured by what is worthy and what is not. But when it hurts I tend to find solace from such mundane questions - hoping that I can talk myself out of grief which probably ends in my finding faults with you. The fact that I am unbelievably attached to you is my own doing but can I blame you for being insensitive and temperamental? Talking to you is like corresponding with a wall. Even when I hit a wall I hear a "bang". With you I get nothing in return. Not a sound.

Maybe you are merely protecting yourself from receiving what others want to give you; something which you didn't ask for. Maybe I am really stupid for giving what you didn't request.

Perhaps silence is the best reply you can offer and retreat is the best move I should take.

From your childhood friend,
M.S.

Note: How about using that as the opening of a novel?

crooked routes

A friend who visits this blog constantly wrote me an email fearing that I would not want to answer him in person. It is nothing severe but the question he asked did ring a few bells. Firstly he wondered why isn't this blog like a "regular online diary thingy". The next question, "Are those spiritual stuff that interesting?"

I guess I will reply you here; if you don't mind.

To begin with I do have a vague idea as to what would amount to a "regular online diary thingy". Can I just say that it isn't my style to write down minute details of what happened to me. I am not too event-oriented, if you get what I mean. What attracts me is the meaning behind each event and how they shape my mental state. So yes, the writings here are about the psychological and emotional reactions to a physical event. But aren't these kind of reactions "regular" as well?

Spiritual stuff? What stuff? No, I am not saying that you are using a word that disdains the spiritual realm of things. Is there anything solid to be interested in and should I continue to elaborate further, I would be caught in a paradox. In short, if I try to verbalise and solidify spirituality I am obssessed with a making myself better and that is the very thing that spirituality speaks against. To give you an exampale, a person who chases after wealth ruthlessly realises that money can't buy him happiness and satisfaction. Ah! He sees the "light" he thinks. So he decides to become spiritual and chases after enlightenment, illumination, unification and whatnot. See the point?

Thanks for the email.

the age of innocence

I held a Tarot analysis promotion at a local new age and modern-living exhibition in February this year. The turn-out was good although many clients commented that I am very young in appearance. They expected someone older. I am 30. It is not age but passion and wisdom that count. I can only give what I am.

Tarot functions on two principles. Firstly, you have to be open-minded and next trust the cards; just as you trust your best friend. Only if you trust your best friend wholeheartedly, s/he is given a chance to help you in all situations. Tarot is a deck of cards drawn of historical symbols and inscribed with universal meanings that would show to you certain useful signs and answers to questions only if you don’t try to control the outcome; in other words to be completely trusting on the natural flow of things.

The synchronized 78 cards of Tarot will reveal to you special messages.

Ask and clues will be given.
New doors would unlock.
What do you want to know?

Career, love, family, friends, health, wealth, Spiritual guidance and Life.

queen

S A L L Y

A decade swam by the Ganges River
The jagged edges of holy water
Cut, soothe and made me shiver
Life only gets magically better.

I know not anymore how to pen
Reviving the flare of a growing passion
Yet my feelings ascend and slowly sharpen
Baffled; no words filled my vision.

But old are not these feelings inside
The hour glass erased not my loyalty
Many a comfort did Sally’s voice provide;
when I drifted in and out of insanity.

A perfect being Sally is not to me
For perfection like chasing a fairy
Up to heaven, where no one can be
Only to find out that none exists, sorry!

Sally’s words I read with pride
Her sincerity discerns not one domain
She inspires, cares and is always a guide
As for me, an unassuming fan I remain.

Her career sets her on a constant drive.
Within the heart lives a simple woman -
amid ordinary constituents of life;
but a melodious voice not so common.

Sally’s music I continue to hear
decade after decade, ends it never
For being who you are - thank you, dear
There is no doubt this bond is forever.

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

performing the cosmic dance

I should stop pondering how I actually do the dance which connects to the universe. I just dance and miracles happen. Life is a miracle. The trappings of past experience dissolve for something "unknown" comes into play.

wah lai yuen

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

~i don't need a reason to be happy~

~i don't need a reason to love you~

~i am happy~

~i love you~

ikan

Fish

Slippery as ivory
Off it escaped my clutch
No more curry
if it defied my touch.
Another night of boring rye
for poor Tommy and I.

With his fur like a pulled-back hood,
Tommy sprang to fly.
Holy gracious how rude!
Good manners he obviously did not comply.
Fangs like an iron claw
they enclosed the tiny fish.

But - eschewed not his jaw
from his favorite dish.

(c) W.L.S. Loh

w-files II

Everything is a point of despair and a source of happiness; no choice.

w-files

Trust no one - enjoy the company of oneself.

Stories

There are some who can accept death easily because they know the truth of life. There are some who feel death is a deprivation and a loss. We all have different capacities to understanding death whether as a tenous concept or as something implacably real. The grief is too much to bear and no consolation can be offered. Perhaps at the point of losing someone it was needed; the shedding of tears, the heartaches, the breakdowns and the anger that clouds the already confused mind. Because we actually believe that death of a loved one can never happen to us. It could happen to our friends and to anyone else but us. We symphatise and even try to emphatise with a friend whose child had just passed away. Deep down we occupy this grief with detachment. To a certain extent it is true to stay away from internalising the pains but at the same time we strongly believe that we will never lose a child, a parent and family members until it happens. And this is the driving force behind the big "I" am more important than the "we".

Very often do I hear that as long as what "I" do, "I" am not hurting others then my actions are fine. Who are we kidding? Can what we do not hurt another living being no matter how good we think our actions to be. We are all proud creatures and this neccessity is forced upon by ourselves. It makes the heart feels great when I believe that what I have done I am not bringing pain to others. (Wow! I am such a kind person. ) It is for the common good of the world if Iraq is destroyed so believed President Bush. Does this make any sense?

Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade more, one ray less,

Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

the book

Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. And the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging to belief, of holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be. ~Alan Watts~

net

what is it - to free the mind or to be free of the mind?

new year

HAPPY 2006!

~diet coke & kfc~

male

Does the word romance neccesarily mean that it would be a soulmate relationship with a man? It is something I shall find out and I am very much looking forward to it.

I was reading JC's book yesterday and the pertinent question he asked was what is the symbol of an unforgettable event in one's life? Why do certain things happen the way they do that they bring immense sorrows? If one fails to crack the pain and live through it, the diamond at the end of the tunnel will not be in reach. Without sufferings there will be no resurrection. It is not merely as simple as no pain, no gain. There is nothing to gain physically as in there really is a touchable diamond at the end of the tunnel. What it should refer to is a transformation of the mind, which is a realisation that the moment is the same as the eternal. The victorious defeat of a mental battle means we have unshelled the old self, giving birth to a new self. The old has to die for the new to be born. It is a fact of life. To hold on to the psychological past deters not only a fundamental growth but it creates a very boring life.

As I stop reasoning why a certain someone can be utterly important, the obsession stops too. I guess I dare say that I don't quite know this person whom I love unconditionally. What I know is merely third best, which is the worse. It is merely a projection of a self-painted image. It is a result of an unfair magnification of the qualites I like; those that make me feel so good. Should I stop pretending to be perfect and to have unblemished knowledge of this person, I will then truly begin to know myself.

Only then do I see.

complexity

If a man considers that he is born, he cannot avoid the fear of death. Let him find out if he has been born or if the Self has any birth. He will discover that the Self always exists, that the body that is born resolves itself into thought and that the emergence of thought is the root of all mischief. Find from where thoughts emerge. Then you will be able to abide in the ever-present inmost Self and be free from the idea of birth or the fear of death.-

Ramana Maharshi