the 3 treatments

Prince Zhan goes to see the Royal Doctor one night in secret. His heart racing as he pushes the door into the doctor's chamber.

Prince: I want a prescription.

Doctor: Yes, Your Highness.

Prince: Poison...deadliest.

Doctor: Arsenic, vapours without a trace upon consumption.

Prince: It sounds perfect but...doctor?

Doctor: Yes, Your Highness.

Prince: Anything more deadly?

Doctor: Of course! (Pauses) The human heart. (Bows with respect).

***

Queen Ping Wah leaves her palace without a guard on a moonless night. She heads north toward the Royal Doctor's clinic.

Doctor: Your Majesty, I am at your service.

Queen: I need some questions answered.

Doctor: I give only my best, Your Majesty.

Queen: Is arsenic the darkest of all poisons?

Doctor: Absolutely. I have found no other competitors.

Queen: Very well, prepare a dosage for me but before that...doctor?

Doctor: Yes, Your Majesty?

Queen: Are you very certain that it is the darkest? Anything else that you have missed out?

Doctor: But of course, no poison is darker than the human heart. (Bows with respect).

***

General Ma left his company of officers much earlier than usual. It was just after midnight and as he disappears into the night, he went on a detour to visit the Royal Doctor.

Doctor: My Lord, what a pleasant surprise!

General: My old friend, Ching. It has been a long time since we met.

Doctor: Yes, while you defend the country with the power of your sword, I am ashamed that I only spend time with herbs and plants.

General: What is the might of a sword compared with the wit of a mind? You defend by saving lives while I defend by taking lives. The ground turns red.

Doctor: For the longevity and prosperity of His Majesty, the Heavenly King, we perform the tasks our postion brings upon us with loyalty.

General: Loyalty can make us blind.

Doctor: No, it is power that makes us blind.

General: Yes, something as innocent as a plant has enormous power to crush the life of a strong and well trained soldier.

Doctor: The silent killer is often the most addictive.

General: Can you spare me some?

Doctor: Yes, my old friend.

General: The most lethal.

Doctor: Arsenic.

General: I trust you but what is more poisonous?

Doctor: I believe it is the human heart.

stage life

Life is a kind of play in which we are called upon to play our part with skill. But in meditation we are sometimes more like the audience, while our thoughts are the actors. If we could go backstage, we could see all the actor-thoughts getting made up. Anger is there putting on his long fangs. Fear is rattling his chains. Jealousy is admiring herself in the mirror and smearing on green mascara.

Now, these thought-actors are like actors and actresses everywhere: they thrive on a responsive audience. When Jealousy comes out on stage and we sit forward on our seats, she really puts on a show. But on the other hand, what happens if nobody comes to see the performance?

No actor likes to play to an empty house. If they're real professionals, they might give their best for a couple of nights, but after that they're bound to get a little slack. Jealousy doesn't bother with her makeup any more; who's going to admire it? Anger throws away his fangs. Fear puts away his chains. Whom can they impress? Finally, the whole cast gives it up as a bad job and goes home.

In other words, when you can direct attention, your thinking will never be compulsive again.

E.E.

hour glass

The fact is that chattering and talking are signs of a weak mind; the need to talk and to entertain or else one will feel bored. It is not fun unless one creates a joke, dramatises and gets everyone to laugh. Perhaps it is a long term conditioning of the mind that one has to be accepted and be lovable. And the only way to achieve that is through ceaseless talking and words.

The uneasiness of being alone with another person is annoying. Because then the mind starts to wonder what the other is thinking about us. Maybe one is wearing a wrong shirt or one is over weight. Because when no words are spoken, silence invites all sorts of imaginations. The reason being the mind cannot be quiet. It has to be constantly working, analysing, judging and criticising. Should the mind remain still, it is deemed that the person is stupid.

A quiet person is not stupid. A talkative person is not a genius. The saying, "an empty vessel makes the most noise" in truth means that a person who knows next to nothing, is one who wouldn't keep their mouth shut. Because it is a method used to disguise their stupidity and to distract themselves from the present moment.

One who is wise feels full and calm and is in no need to express their thoughts to convince or to entertain anyone. Wisdom here has no connection with intellect and a university degree. Wisdom is to have an awareness of the power of now.

The mind is built for survival and it is constantly setting new goals, targets and plans. What is at the present is not victorious enough. It is not a success. The future, somewhere out there on the time line, that's where real victory has planted its flag. To get there we always neglect what is before our eyes. And after much ups and downs, we are at the "future" we want and the flag disappears to another further spot on the time line.

Ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?"

metta

May there be peace, trust and compassion on earth.

I send you love and light.

doves & bats

There is nothing easy about learning to love. The real romantic must be very practical: it takes a lot of hard, unromantic work to sustain any human relationship. Naturally there are going to be differences between you and your partner. Identical twins have differences of opinion, so whyshould two people from, say, New York City and Paris, Texas, expect life together to be smooth sailing?

Even on the honeymoon there may be difficulties. You open Pandora's box expecting a lot of doves and out come a couple of bats instead. You have to be ready to say, "The doves are there; they're simply lying low. Why don't we get to work and shoo away these bats?" Rather than dwelling on the negative, try to respect the potential in the other person and help him or her to realize that potential through your support. If you want a relationship to get deeper and deeper with the passage of time, you will go on strengthening it all your life.

E.E.

jet

...the greatest love of all...

...is easy to acheive...

...learning to love yourself...

...it is the greatest love of all...

I have thus planted the first seed and so I shall allow it time to grow. I am not attached but I am not indifferent either. For in her I see me and in that I see all and in all I see God. Whatever route I take, I eventually come back to full circle. The step I take now leads me one inch closer to that which is within. It is a spiritual quest. Who is it that I love but myself? And what is self but God?

sige

This is my song. "I say it best, when I say nothing at all."

When I do speak my thoughts and feelings, the person who listens gets the wrong impression. So, it is really worthwhile for me to maintain status quo.

Nevertheless, what is in my heart is the purest emotion, but words are not the only method of talking.

Silence is the root of all communication.

I miss you.

battery

A faceless old man wins the lottery

Choking his heads in foolish money

A lifeless life is like a defunct battery,

a bear finds joy from slurping honey!

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

you and me

It is easy to be attracted to a person physically. I am not sure if you know of someone who slowly consumes your thoughts, actions, emotions and ultimately your life. To be honest, I was a fool to have once surrendered myself completely to an individual. So far so that I was living for the happiness of this person to my detriment. My expections of this person to provide emotional stability was immensely high that it reached a point of absurdity. I professed to love deeply but the person I wrongfully love was myself. The more I pursued this relationship, the darker the day became.

I was told that I was attached to this person and a realisation did appear but not for long. When a relationship is based solely on what's on the outside, it is doomed to fail. The emotional gush and the feeling of lightness will soon subside. A grave mistake comes into being when one marries at this stage. Because once the initial romance dies, there is nothing left for the couple to love.

Expectation and demands are evil. It is not about one person having a right to demand another person to do some gratifying acts. It is like a child demanding for a new toy and you see him rolling on the floor exploding in anger and tantrums. Parents often feel hurt and guitly for not being able to provide for their child, or else they are irritated and do as told. Emotional blackmail is the name of the game. Once we fall prey to emotional blackmail - because we do not want to hurt the other person, we in actual fact are worried that if we do otherwise, no one will like us; especially if it involves someone we claim to dearly love. Emotional blackmail works squarely on our weakness of wanting to be liked and popular.

If this realisation begins to crack the root of my devotion, then I am allowing the light to flow in. Before the first crack occured, I felt the entire world breaking into tiny pieces, like shattered glass. From each fragment I see different reflections of the same thing in every possible distortion. To see the truth, I have to stop looking at the reflection but seeing the object.

It is but a shadow and thought I love.

beware

In the vast universe, one can't help but to feel small and insignificant. Physically, it is impossible to be in two places at the same time. With the advent of technology, CCTV cameras are hooked to several rooms and we vaguely can see what's happenning elsewhere. BBC and CNN deliver news through the idiot box. We are aware of wars, accidents, natural disasters and coronations without having to leave our cubicle.

The Internet is yet another wonderful discovery for mankind. The concept of virtual reality comfortably replaces the immutable physical impossibility. When one is online, the universe suddenly shrinks. We find ourselves communicating with friends from Hong Kong and the US in real time even when one resides in Malaysia. One can easily purchase a limited edition CD from Amazon.com prior to its worldwide release. One can participate in an online virtual tour of a prestigious 6-star hotel. Four-D presentations will soon replace the flat two-D cinema shows.

Even when everything becomes closer, faster, shorter and efficient; what is the lingering loneliness?

No matter how advance technology can get, emotional dissatisfactions exist. Someone who uses the latest PDA phone and laptop finds himself drowning in alcohol and waking up in the morning with different women. Someone who owns a mansion still sleeps with a younger man behind her husband's back. Someone who is religious is as imposing and narrow-minded as an atheist.

On the other hand, someone who does not use a mobile phone and lives in a shabby apartment still buys the cheapest beer and sleeps with his neighbour's wife.

In this ever expanding universe, we feel tiny and unconnected to the higher source. We don't stop for one second to deeply understand our very own existence and to question the descriptions of the world; but instead divert our energy to chasing after material gains, physical victories and false spiritual answers.

Perhaps we will never learn.

substance

Sometimes people misconstrue arrogance for courage. A decent and most innocent statement can be made to assert one's position and to show that one is better than the rest. The tomato is not launched by mistake. It is the intention and not the action that matters more. Self-praise whether direct or indirect is no praise.

This brings to mind a story.

Once there was a monk who declared to the world that he was the best meditator and spiritualist. He graduated from the fine school of Chariot. He claimed that no storm or Tsunami can move him once he is in a meditative state. He will not get-up even if the wind blows him dry and the sun scorches his skin. The news of this great sage travelled across boundaries. People came from everywhere to challenge the monk or to worship him. No matter what they did, he remained nonchalant. Some even threw stones at him but he didn't wink an eye. He said that he has divine protection and it seems that what he professed was true.

Far away in a distant land, there lived a hermit in a cave. Even he heard of this magnificient monk and he decides to challenge the monk. So, in his dark cave he lit a candle and wrote the monk a letter. Through many hands, the letter finally reached the monk. When he opened the the envelope and read the content of the letter his anger shot higher than his ego. "How dare this tiny hermit calls me a piece of shit!" he roared.

The monk got-up immediately, mounted a horse belonging to his disciple and rode for 3 days and 3 nights to where the hermit lived to teach him a good lesson of manners and courtesy.

When the hermit saw the monk he said calmly, "Oh! I thought nothing could move you?"

search

Would I offend many if I say that everyone is looking for God in all that they do? The atheists do not believe in the existence of God. The agnostics keep to a neutral position. The believers do not doubt their doctrines.

Nevertheless I dare submit that God is not found in doctrines, books and scriptures. These are merely tools and a representation of the Beloved. God is not to be believed for its very existence. God is in every step we make in life to search for betterment. To a writer, her writings reflect a relentless quest for the truth. What moves her and from which value does she form her opinions? All that she writes only go to show that the truth, which teases her from the corners of world, is her search for God.

The word "god" causes one to stop breathing for 10 seconds. Each time it is mentioned and each time another person asks "Do you believe in god?" you ponder. It is not caused by the need to formulate a smart reply but it questions the very foundation of your philosophy and you realise that you have none of your own other than those read from books, learned in school and copied from others. It is a case of lost cause when one does not know God in the flowers, the trees, friends, enemies, family and oneself.

As far as it goes, an ant knows God from each micro-cube of sugar it pilfers from the canister.

routine

Without freedom from the past there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent. It is only the fresh, innocent mind that is free. Freedom has nothing to do with age, it has nothing to do with experience; and it seems to me that the very essence of freedom lies in understanding the whole mechanism of habit, both conscious and unconscious. It is not a question of ending habit, but of seeing totally the structure of habit. You have to observe how habits are formed and how, by denying or resisting one habit, another habit is created. What matters is to be totally conscious of habit; for then, as you will see for yourself there is no longer the formation of habit. To resist habit, to fight it, to deny it, only gives continuity to habit. When you fight a particular habit you give life to that habit, and then the very fighting of it becomes a further habit. But if you are simply aware of the whole structure of habit without resistance, then you will find there is freedom from habit, and in that freedom a new thing takes place.

J. Krishnamurti

bend

i fell asleep while staying awake
in that episode i dreamt it was all over
what isn't mine is not for me to take
forgive the giver release the receiver.

i was wide awake while trying to sleep
in that episode it all started again
what is mine i didn't want to keep
i only want the fantasy to end.

questions were asked answers denied
by one who is keen and not fit to judge
i wish for no one in trust to confide
only for peace in truth to divulge.

why do you burden me with accusations
that you treasure in a woman of might
let me deal with my conditions
it is my life, my view and my right.

when you look in the mirror to see
your reflections are bent and so is your thought
a quiet afternoon with the company of tea
your storm corrupts the tea leaves to rot!

spirits

Skepticism is not my middle name and neither is blind faith. I won't dare to say that there is no God or that God is man-made. Not in the sense that He is an almighty creator. There is something uncanny about this theory.

I believe that there is God and he lives in each of us in the image of Christ, Buddha, Allah, Moses and all the Prophets. I hope in the final analysis all religious views will lead to one conclusion that God is not for us to fight and die for. God is there if we don't judge another person based on his color, culture, status and belief systems.

At this point of time the materialists judge another in accordance to the clothes they wear, the type of house they live in, the brand of car they drive and which university they graduated from. The idealisits expect others to favour what they like and think as good quality stuff. "You love what I love." The spiritualists condemn those who seek pleasures from bodily pursuits such as food, sex, wine and entertainment. Going to a football game is an obsession.

Nonetheless there are those who preach the middle path. Everything in moderation. This seems to be a palatable idea since nothing is taken to the extreme. But is the principle of middle path understood correctly? I don't think it means if one desires a BMW one should purchase a Toyota. It seems rational because a Toyota is a better car than the Malaysian made Kancil but it is not a luxurious collection. What weird thinking!

Perhaps the middle path refers to the state of mind, what it conotes rather than denotes. The meaning behind the middle principle is that we shouldn't let desires corrupt our mind. A BMW 7 series is only a type of car and if we like this car it doesn't make us any greedier or more humble. It is the value that we attached to driving a certain type of car that turns our attitude to being arrogant. It has no effect on us if we drive the car the same way we ride a three-wheel bicycle. This is not a naive proposition. It is just merely not applicable in a status conscious world. Not with the flashy advertisements and Hollywood blitz hammering into our heads what is the cool way to live.

It is definitely not the car. It is the mind. Take away the car and replace the subject with a religious book, a house, a degree, a shirt, a laptop and whatever else. We are little kids lost in civilisation who are sick of the sickness. The sickness is ignorance and the cure is knowledge.

slacking

Plain old inertia is the underlying cause of many of our day-to-day difficulties. You will be feeling listless, oppressed, weighted down by lassitude; you won't want to do anything at all. You may feel persecuted: "Why shouldn't I sit around if I feel like it?" You may feel you are not in the best condition physically, with aches and pains that nobody understands.

To release yourself from this inertia, the first step is physical. The worst thing you can do is rest. Rest is what you have been doing; what is required is to get moving ons omething. Superficial physical symptoms may come by way of protest: a dull, throbbing headache, nerves on edge, a head as heavy as your heart. Get up and go for a walk - and walk fast, even if you don't feel equal to it. Try to walk a little faster than you feel you can.

After ten minutes or so you will find yourself breaking through that physical lethargy. Keep walking, and you will see that the rhythm of your breathing has improved, your spirits are lighter, you are ready to face the next challenge of the day.

E.E.

factor

If someone asked me what is it I love doing; I don't know how to provide a simple answer. I will probably give a long-winded thesis and by the time I finished the questioner will regret asking me that. By the time I finished talking I probably have no idea as to what I just said. Because it takes more than language fluency to utter one's truest desires. It is easy to produce a bunch of junk-filled answer. All I need are big words and jargons and I could throw in some quotations by famous people. I can bring in Socrates or Seneca and this could impress some folks. But I know deep down it is immitation. I am no different from a copy machine.

It is an old trick and even lame, to live the dreams of others. Someone I met for the first time on the train, an acquaintance turned friend told me that I only need to take two extra steps to make a difference in my life. Pick up the pen and start writing. Find a place, pay the rent and start a Tarot business. Write a script or should I say complete the story and find a cast. It takes only two steps with a lot of effort.

You see I have this habit of talking to strangers. The main reason I enjoy taking the train and all sorts of public transports. I meet all types of people and not all are safe to talk to. But when I set my intention right, the good folks just keep coming to me one by one.

Sometimes we find ourselves not getting anywhere and we feel this deadening frustration taking over. We are almost aimlessly stuck with a degree. I reckon almost every Tom, Dick and Harry has a degree, a masters' degree or a PHD and in fact all three. I guess after driving around the career path for almost 5 years, it is not what degree that counts; but how determined is our will and how much we love what we do that keep our wheel spinning. We need the technical knowledge so obtaining the right kind of education does help. However if I love what I do, I don't need a piece of paper and test results to prove that.

I have nothing agaisnt proper education. The word civilisation in Chinese is a combination of two root characters; bright and literacy. Literacy here is interpreted in a broader sense to include knowledge. We need technical, scientific and artistic knowledge. Can I point out that any kind of knowledge will be of no use to one who has no wisdom and thus the light (bright). I am not playing a word game here. It is important that all that we have learnt in school, at home, at work, during trainings and in the library are applied in the best way possible and it need not be in a conventional way acceptable by the society.

This means one who studies law need not be a lawyer and his education is not wasted. His legal training will be with him even if he does not call himself a lawyer. Which occupation pays more and provides for better job prospects must not be the main deciding factors of choosing a career. Our career is not a job, it is living a life.

Schools, teachers, guardians and parents shouldn't make doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers and gangsters out of children. They should make a human out of them. With a fully functioning heart and mind, they can understand what makes them leap with joy and these children are then aware of what they love to do for the rest of their lives.

reminder

Self-centered desires need a lot of attention to thrive. They are like delicate houseplants, not very hardy. Unless their needs are met precisely, they cannot last long. If we do not water and fertilize them regularly - think about them, dream about them, plan and wish - they will wither and die.

To get plants to thrive, it is considered helpful to talk to them in soothing, friendly tones. Destructive desires thrive on talk too; the more we talk about them, the stronger they get. So whenever you feel driven by a compulsive, destructive urge, don't analyze it; don't talk about it; don't dwell on it. Turn your attention away from it by throwing yourself into work for others. It can starve the desire away.

E. E.

newbie

I started a new blog http://dclips.blogspot.com/

It is named "daily clips" which means it is light writing and thus light reading. Well it has to focus on different issues and perspectives of things. Perhaps you can take it as a comic strip that you read in the newspapers. It is part of the newspapers as a whole but it is given a lot of space to be sarcastic, humorous and even a little sick at times compared with the dead serious news you read on the headlines.

It is my alter-ego.

a thousand faces

This journey we call life is not easy and no one said it is. For starters I don't think we are sinners who fell from the Garden of Eden, remember Adam and Eve? Our task is not to collect merits, do a lot of charity, help others in order to gain an entrance to Heaven; back into the the Garden of Eden. Look at Mr. John Constantine who didn't want to go to Hell and so became a half-breed hunter, exorcist and ghostbuster hoping to earn a one way ticket to the holy Kingdom. Only when Constantine did an act not out of his selfish need to redeem himself from the sin of suicide, did he truly understand the true act of charity.

Heaven is not a destiny, it is within our hearts. We can see it when we truly do an act for others, for this society, for this world and not doing something in hope and in fear and in duress. We don't have to "go" to heaven as if we must board a plane to reach a place. The scene of Constantine ascending to heaven is only a metaphor. It is to signify that we have surpassed the selfishness which dictates all we do to finally commit a pure act of sacrifice for others.

We have to live this life holistically and not waste the goodness we are born with. Try to extend a helping hand to those in need. Of course do remember not to impose your whims and fantasies on others. Very often do we judge what is good and what is bad based on our beliefs that are tinted with prejudice. We don't really see a person until we look without prejudiced-eyes.

For people like Capt. Bala, Michael, Bro. Quek and Bro. Tuck Loon who serve mankind, you are the hero with a thousand faces.

wonka bar

Desire is will. Every strong desire has a great deal of will locked up in it; the problem is that usually we do not have any control over it. In a compulsive desire, all that will goes into satisfying only that desire. Every time you can turn against a strong desire, therefore, it immediately strengthens your will.

You will also find your physical and emotional health improving, your relationships deepening, and your energy increasing. These are signs that you are going forward. The desire to go against selfish desires is the surest sign of grace.

E.E.

***

Many times I told myself that I invested a lot of time, effort and energy in one particular field. I have the desire to get what I want but finally I realise that there is nothing that I want. I am not speaking in riddles but because everything must eventually be manifested physically, words are the closest to explanianing what I truly see and understand.

Great spirits have always been persecuted by mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein-

wisdom in the air

To spend a certain amount of time working with people at a job that benefits others, in which our personal pleasure andprofit are not at all involved, nourishes both us and thepeople we help. It helps them directly, but it helps usindirectly, by enabling us to realize that we are a part oflife and have a contribution to make.

****

Loving someone does not mean automatically acquiescing to their every whim. Sometimes love shows itself in saying noto an attitude or desire that is harmful. But your opposing must be done tenderly, without anger or condescension.

This is a difficult art. Go slowly. Remember that it is better not to react in theheat of the moment. Whenever time allows, don't respond immediately. Speak and act when you can do so with patience and kindness. Remember, too, that the very best way to change someone is to embody that change with your own example.

E.E.

IQ & EQ

Your IQ :

You've got a very experiential way of learning and a strong mathematical mind and you have mastered the art and science of precision. That's what makes you a Precision Processor. For you, life is a series of equations.

Your brain is naturally predisposed to intense mathematical acuity, so it's second nature for you to cut to the heart of an issue, to discover quick solutions while others get bogged down in unnecessary details. This allows you to communicate a variety of ideas to other people, so don't keep it to yourself.

Note: I hate Maths!

~~



Your Unconscious Mind Is Most Driven by Peace.

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way. You have a deep respect for humankind.

You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

let's talk...

...business. I don't understand what this term means. "Business". Is it a sale and purchse transaction or a profit focused endeavour or a serious verbal lash-out? I am at a loss.

For such a long time, I felt comfortable having had someone to admire and idolize. You know, the same old story of "Whenever I am down, I turn on the music and drift away. Everything is dark and hazy, I feel so sad and it is the music that sheds some light. It is the only thing that keeps me going." Therefore should I meet the singer I tend to feel overtly oblidged to her because without that music, I wouldn't have passed my exams or I wouldn't have lasted the night my parents fought their hearts out. Is this true? Did the music keep me intact and the singer my saviour?

Perhaps I have exaggerated the entire episode. Maybe I did use the music as a protector, a defense against my doing some crazy things such as running away from home, taking drugs and these are common symptoms among teenagers. Yes, the music kept me grounded. Shall I say, I could identify with the music so that I ddin't indentify with the other social addictions which results were ghastly.

However the mind does bring the issue further, blowing up the importance of that music in my life. When I was a whole lot younger, I do imagine having my favorite singer - the idol as if she was the only person in the entire world who was good to me. Because I understand now much better that as human beings we all need to be accepted and endorsed. Having imagined a super-star liking what you did and giving you a pat on your shoulder is a very good feeling. This is a stark cotrast to our parents who holds the whip and rule book or friends at school who called us weird or teachers who sent us to detention class.

After much observation, this form of escape is not only pertinent to me as a teenager but it is an ineluctable trait in everyone irrespective of age, gender and race. We all want to be accepted and we try to prove ourselves worthy. We always have something to say, a point of view to make, rebelling agaisnt someone such as our employers and politicians, an organisation like the company we work for or the government and anything you can think of. From young we complain about the unfairness of how we are treated and it continues until the day we die! Heck! If a corpse could speak...

I guess the equation is relatively simple. I want to stay in my comfort zone because it feels safe and fantastically good. I want this idol of mine to be my saviour and I think myself into believing that the music is my only inspiration. Nothing else matters. I am such a dedicated fan. I only want my idol to be happy and I love her.

I can feel it in my guts that someone will say, "What is wrong? Nothing wrong in wanting to be happy and caring for someone you love. "

You know mate, fan is the abbreviation of fanatic.

sunny days

It should be warmer soon. I am yearning for more solar power. Although anyone who knows me realises that I require a portable air-condition; I sweat buckets. Throw me to Alaska and I probably will still be roaming around in shorts.

I have been doing some thinking and I can't help but to come to a tentative conclusion that human beings are servant of facts. Tentative because there are a handful who are aware that facts are mutable; in other words facts are not fixed. We are so used to the believe that facts are certain because certainty gives rise to security and this security gives us what we want, safety. There is a strong tendency for us to cling on to these facts, the child of science. No doubt that scientists come up with principles based on observations. To prove that their observation is correct they need to go into in-depth experiments; performing a series of tests and research. If they can prove their obeservations to be right, then their principles are accepted as theories that are workable, until a new discovery is made to improve or disprove its veracity.

If you stop and ponder for a while, we are all little scientists of our own rights. Since birth we are imbue with rock-solid principles, some sort of a system. Somehow we are conditioned to believe that this system will bring us what we need if we play by the books and do not derail. Therefore anything that fits into our system are acceptable and what don't are flushed out, ignored and discriminated. And of course some unfortunate souls are of the opinion that they are open-minded and that they accept "more" things and ideas that fall within the ambit of an authentic system.

The paradox - well, a system sets limits to being open-minded.

The irony - great things of our age are invented by those who derail and dare to think differently, until they are caught in a system of facts.

x-culture

Wendy, you're divinely inspired when it comes to Culture!

www.tickle.com

Get up and go? You've got it. You enjoy new experiences and new people because you are inspired by how others view the world. You're not only curious, you allow for the possibility that there are many ways to approach life. And what better way to find the right path for yourself than by discovering what other cultures admire as art, how they communicate with each other, and what they enjoy as delicacies. After all, it's the journey that's important to you, not necessarily the destination.

Since you're open-minded, you probably enjoy moving from one crowd to another, with equal enthusiasm for all kinds of people. And your natural ability to create a friendly environment for everyone will serve you well wherever your journeys take you. Bon voyage!

Note: I have to agree on the accuracy of this test result.

cookies

Imagine you are at KL International Airport, Malaysia.

While you're waiting for your flight, you notice a shop selling shortbread cookies. You buy a box, put them in your traveling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your traveling bag and pull out your box of shortbread cookies.

As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you opening the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one.

Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve? Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves. You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry.

So you go back to the shop and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies -- still unopened.

Only then do you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You'reseeing things from a new point of view.

Is it time to change your point of view?

Now, think of this story as it relates to your life. Seeing things from a new point of view can be veryenlightening. Think outside the box. Don'tsettle for the status quo.

Be open to suggestions. Things may not be what they seem.

Have a great day.

To the genius who wrote this article, THANKS.

yard

Muscular fingers drop the freshly-plucked grapes
Exhausted baskets carry them
The estate exposes to air
Water soaks to the brim
Earth supports the weight
Buried copper relapses
Fire harbours tiny friends
Copulates...

...tastes sour, bitter and sweet.

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

release

I must be aware that whatever is done, written and said in confusion and uncertainty will always not bring about positive results. Not that I am result-oriented, but the effect of my doings whether in words or actions leaves a deep impression in the universe and on the person directly involved. It is most obvious that it brands a mark in my heart and soul.

Confusion and uncertainty also connote that one is angry and ignorant of one's true feelings and intentions. An angry man normally brings about uncalled for violence and with such trait there can be no sincerity and love.

I am inclined to think that it is no one's fault but mine that things turn out the way they do. It is no time to lay blame on oneself but to actually look and see where the root of problem is. I release myself from all guilt, shame and anger. It is pointless to hate and to keep seeking for perfect solutions for there are none. If I say that I am incapable of compassion then I have killed all potential and possibilities to be so. I cannot control what others think and do but I can control what I think and do and I am compassion.

It does not matter what I write but what matters is my true intention. Am I speaking from the Holy Spirit or from the Ego? Have I just silenced the living Buddha andthe living Christ in me? Chances are I was caught in semantics; giving credence to words without actually practising and meaning what I said. Under such circumstances even the most beautifully crafted poetry cannot hide the malignancy. No Shakespeare can write with a defiled mind; the writings are poison.

Be true and then writing becomes a creation and not an immitation. When creating, something takes over - the universe steps in to espouse the words to life.

Be gentle to yourself and to others.

something cheerful for a change...

Wendy, your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

www.tickle.com

contemplation

It is time again for another soul-search.
A little bit more of honesty would help tremendously.

What I refuse to face is forcing its way out.
The sky, yes I forgot how the sky feels.
The earth is wet and the soil is soft beneath my feet.
What's inside the heart has hardened.
What's around is losing its perspective.
I am drowning in fear, anger, jealousy and hatred.
Nothing is making sense because they never did.
Why am I here?
Stuck - in a self-made hole of desperation.
The answer seems simple enough.
I choose to be.
Indecisiveness would have been a delight but it didn't play its part well this time.
At least not when I needed it too.
Need - do I really need anything the mind dictates?
The mind is running away; faster than time.
Time - the substance that decays.
I do everything in the name of love!
It seems magnanimous and sincere.
In the end the truth is...

The truth is...love is...love.

Love heals.
Love sucks.
Love lies.
Love cheats.
Love scares.
Love denies.
Love takes.
Love gives.
Love hides.
Love shows.
Love disappears.
Love appears.
Love decides.
Love hates.
Love loves.
Love likes.
Love dies.
Love lives.
Love waits...

I reached the right word.

Wait. Be patient. Nothing comes easy. So take it easy. Ask for help. Believe in yourself. Be thankful.

Drink more water. It is healthy.

karuna

Maybe what I said was not enough
Maybe because my mind is tough
To see things as they are
You are near and yet so far.

All you did is all you can
All you write is in your hand
What I read was beyond the stand
Your goodness is within the plan.

When I saw you last, I wasn't sure
Are you the cause or the cure?
Of the flowering winter in summer
The sugar-coated adventure.

Perhaps now things are clear
Perhaps again is due to fear
Definitely I love you, dear
But what is love, what is fear?

juice

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. -Eleanor Roosevelt

It is only immature people who believe, "I am separate; therefore, I can manipulate you, even exploit you, to ensure my own happiness." To think that we can pursue joy as a collector pursues butterflies, seeking it here and there, is folly. We cannever go after joy because joy has got to come after us.

It's like the horizon. When you look from the Berkeley hills, the horizon looks as if it is just beyond the Golden Gate. You honestly believe that if you go there, you will reach the horizon. But as you pursue it, it recedes farther and farther, and that is the nature of pleasure. It peeps out from the store, the restaurant, the bank, but when you enter there you will find it recedes farther and farther.

When we begin to seek a higher goal - for the welfare of our family and community - joy slowly tiptoes after us. We don'thave to say to joy, "Excuse me, will you please come to my house?" Joy will come and put her suitcase down and say, "I am going to be here, whether you like it or not."

That is how happiness comes.

-Eknath Easwaran-

hand

………and there came a time when MIND returned from journeying throughout the universe and went to examine the affairs of Man

and when MIND looked into the hands of Man, it wept

yet some earthling hands reached up and caught MIND’S tears which they used, to cleanse Man’s wounds and heal his hurts

Thus was MIND comforted, and stayed a while to dwell again with Man

~ John Benedict

thank you

I guess I have taken you for granted lately. Maybe because my expectations were high during the meeting. You did promise something more in the letters and those events didn't come true. I kept looking for the reasons why by first putting the blame on you and then conjuring guilt within myself and finally I just got depressed. In the midst of feeling upset, I realised one crucial factor which is I never felt grateful for all that was given to me but instead compared them with others whom I believe have more.

But you have given me something special and I was too greedy to see and to be thankful.

My dear lady, I send to you sincerely all my love and gratitude.

ps: I will be there for you, if you need me. always.

spin-feet

Funny how one song can change your mood. I particularly enjoy listening to the waltz. There is something exceptionally flighty and carefree about it. Perhaps it is the beat; 1, 2, 3, 1,2,3 and the continuous flow of the rhythmic patterns. You feel as if the first and the last note of the melody are linked and inseperable. There is no time for one to breathe for the music goes on and on and yet one doesn't feel breathless. There is so much of energy being encapsulated by the spins and turns. As you swirl into the arms of another whether real or imaginary, the vitality in you discharges and rejuvenation takes place. As a result of which you become refreshed because you don't store-up unused power.

The waltz is always magnetic and to a certain level grand. Walk into a ballroom filled with elegantly dressed couples and they dance with assimilation to the sounds of a regal orchestra. As they waltz, the man gently wraps his hand around the curves of the lady while the lady in turn places her hand lightly on his shoulder. A sacred space is kept between the two whereby distance is respectfully maintained. But the other hand clutched each other tightly as if to bolt a ship to the ground. And they move back and forth melting into the music becoming united as they waltz the night away.

hugs

It is not easy to always look inside and be able to express what I actually feel. Very often I beautify or horrify the intensity of what I see. This happens when there is no understanding.

I remember very clearly how I felt when I picked up the phone to hear my father's stammering voice. I never expected that my mother would die despite being so ill. She was bed-ridden for almost a year after having her left leg amputated. A diabetic for nearly 30 years the ailments that attacked as a result of blocked blood vessels and dying nerves made her living conditions deplorable. With all the comfort money can buy, she couldn't possibly sleep for 1 hour without pains. She was on haemodialysis for 8 years and she died while the machine drew blood out from her body for cleansing since the kidneys mulfunctioned nearly a decade ago.

I can still hear it at night when all is quiet. Just at the back of my mind; the moans and the cries. I could still hear the murmurring of damning words but directed to who? I pitied and loved my mother dearly and I hated myself for not being able to do anything. I would cover my ears with two pillows and pretend that nothing had happened. After a while an unassuming guilt crept all over me. I let go of the tear-soaked pillows. I felt the warmth of the tears trickling down my cheeks. The water seeped into my favorite plush toy. I looked at its smiling bunny face and said, "Do you feel it too? You are crying as well. Let me get you a tissue."

There was never once that I would walk to my mother's room to give her a hug; to let her know that I am there and she will be alright. Maybe she was waiting for that, waiting for the support from her only child. But I failed to give her what was needed.

I recall the way she looked at me when she was pushed into the operation theatre, where they sawed off a piece of her limb. The procedure was delicate because my mother was a diabetic and her heart conditions were unfavorable. That last look as if she would never see me again. I still have visions of that when I close my eyes. When I sleep I dream of that too and I struggle to regain consciousness.

I spent 26 years in the house I live in now, with my mother. After her death I decided to renovate the whole house providing it with cosmetic changes. But it never worked for the essence remains the same. Her foot prints cannot be scrapped and removed. I can demolish the house and rebuild the entire structure, her spirit remains. It is not in the house but in every breath I take and every cell in my body; she is there. I am a part of her and when she died that part died too.

One should never take another for granted. Everything we have and embrace will soon be a passing age. Treasure each and every moment whether the moment is good or bad because sometimes a bad moment is all that we have left together.

the call

As we wake up in the morning, what is the first question that triggers our half-awakened mind? Sometimes it comes in a flash that we easily ignore as we rub our dreary eyes. But can we be alert as we come out of slumber so that we take note of the first call of light? Then in such circumstances we are alert not forced by a guru or meditation books but it is an act without the mind.

~~~

Whatever you do, make it an offering to me – the food you eat, the sacrifices you make, the help you give, even your suffering. – Bhagavad Gita

We can’t give anyone joy or security by increasing her bank account or adding to his collection of vintage wines. Of course, a well-chosen gift given at the right time is always welcome, but whatever the gift, we should guard against the nagging expectation of getting something in return. The moment we expect reward or recognition, we are making a contract.

Even parents and children suffer from this contractual relationship. Parents can help their children tremendously by avoiding the “I did this for you, therefore you do that for me” approach, encouraging them instead to follow their own star.

In the spiritual lore of India, it is said that God whispered only one word in our ears when he sent us into the world: “Give.” Give freely of your time, your talent, your resources; give without asking for anything in return. This is the secret of living in joy and security.

junction-Y

I was caught-up in a rhythm and cycle of life and death.
Some expectations didn't come true but some revelations shone through my battered eyes.
You and me, we are meant to be the way we are.
I shouldn't even try to change your character when your personality runs deep.
I shouldn't change mine to satisfy your demands.
It is healthy.

the prayer

I expect to pass this way only once. So any good that my bliss dictates, let me do it to the fullest with no regrets. Let me do it with kindness, love, gratitude and consideration. Let me receive with kindness, love, gratitude and consideration. Let me not bring hurt and misunderstanding to my fellow brothers and sisters but let me not forget my heart's desire.

Let me love wholeheartedly for I shall not pass this way again.

03:23-26:06

w-files III

It is always darkest before the day dawns. Hold on!

from my heart

You don't know how HAPPY I am when I received your message. Words cannot express my deepest gratitude. Thank you for giving me this chance. I will truly treasure it. (If you do visit, I am sure you can sense that I am referring to you! *muaks*)

~~~

Nothing is perfect; yet we all strive for everything to be flawless. And we wonder why this world is in chaos.

autumn birth

We all need someone special in our life. It is the same for me and I won't deny it. There are things which I did that would seem silly, outrageous and even selfish not to anyone else but to me. However there is no point in judging facts because once I do I am in conflict and it is wasting energy. I have desires for if I don't I am as good as dead. But letting desires run wild is equally as good as dead. The issue is not about learning how to control because control means repression. A repressed person is angry as he is forever in conflict. It is about acceptance, awareness and paying attention. When I was young I used to say, "I will never let the person I love to destroy me." I didn't understand the significance of such statements. Although I said them to show that I am mature, capable and inevitably it is a sign of arrogance. After nearly 15 years I will rephrase the statement to, "I will not destroy a person because of love."

Good night.

watching

I talked to the moon and the stars tonight. They greeted me with blinking smiles and I rejoiced in their presence.

HAPPY 2nd ANNIVERSARY!

We have been through lots of good times and had our bad times too. But one thing is for sure, I am glad that you are still around and still my good friend, my dearest Jie Jie. If I am as rare as the moon, then you must be the SUN!

With love and gratitude,
Ah Dee

seeds

You add salt on where you bleed
Then you scream and you weep
You blame the world when you got hit
But did you look before you leap?

In your heart you sprout a black seed
The pains of failure are in the creep
Before you begin you start to quit
Yesterday’s foul breath still you keep.

The black seed grows and consumes you deep
Why do you hate when it’s your choice to sleep?
A barrage of needles under your feet
Acupuncture reverses and hurts in heaps.

Like a bat blinded during a night trip
By the darkness so bright you failed to peep
Happiness is in all that you meet
Wake up, rinse your mouth and remove the black seed!

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

from the heart

This ode is written by a well respected and spritually endowed friend of mine. Divine blessings for him and his family. Metta.

ODE TO MY FATHER

It was only when my dad left this world that I realized how much I had taken for granted those moments in time that were spent with him. Looking back, instead of treasuring those precious moments that were scarcely available to him, I was someone in a hurry to get back to KL after the obligatory Chinese New Year reunion.

My dad left us most unexpectedly and the pain that came upon me was grievous and overwhelming. He waited long enough for me to arrive just in time before he exhaled his final breath. I felt like a little lost child, his father no longer in sight … How strange for one in his late forties with a family of his own to feel like this. I know now that the worst days of a bereavement are the day that a loved one dies and the days after the burial. Years ago my father sobbed uncontrollably when his own father's funeral was over. I was too young to understand then but I do now.

My only consolation is that my dad had gladly received a copy of the earthquake charity musical VCD which my daughter and I organized last December. Deep down, I know my dad was really happy and proud that his son had helped organize two charity musicals within a span of 11 months, the former being for tsunami victims. He did not attend either of the musicals but was a long time fan of the Wayfarers.

I once dreamt of driving a brand new Merc home so that I could take my parents for a spin. But it probably meant more to my dad that his son and grand-daughter followed his musical footsteps (he was a fine mandolin and ukulele player), beyond what he had hoped for. He can rest in peace knowing that he wasn't given the brush-off as far as his musical legacy was concerned. My only wish is that he will be able to meet someone or being who can teach him the practice of vipassana...

delphi

I admit that I do have the inherent gift to destroy what was once beautiful for I always appear when good times come to an end just as I was beginning to adapt. Finally I am the last one standing pursuing a forgotten dream.

Indeed I should continue dreaming and writing if I am meant to be.

GGBC

I don't play badminton but she does. The nearest I can get to the game is to wear a t-shirt which reads "BADMINTON" and it is one from her club. The towel and the fluffy bear too. I support her involvement in sports because she simply loves what she is doing now. This is more than enough. She can't be performing on stage and releasing albums forever, though I hope she would. I sincerely believe that as long as there is demand for her music, she will not leave. The entertainment industry is cruel and realistic and I don't wish for her to be mutilated by the same conglomoarate that launched her career. At this stage, it matters not to me if she wins awards or is elected the best pop singer again. I love her wholeheartedly. Deep down I do want her to get the recognition she deserves and the industry should honour this.

The press must stop reporting news that serve nothing but which will turn stale in a week. The reason being that false reports benefit no one; the media, the artists and the readers. Feeding readers with immoral rumours only destroy the values of the society. The negative impact is not only on the artists but most essentially on the minds of the people. The focus of each piece of gossip is on tragedies and journalist-created juicy stories. I find it disheartening that the media make money out of such scams and readers find pleasure from reading who is sleeping with who. The role of the press is to educate readers and to enlighten them on righteousness. It might be too ideal a call to follow and I feel that it has fallen on deaf ears.

On the other hand, she can be promoting badminton and participate in its business for a long time to come. In the field of commerce, life begins at 40. It will not be easy because the human element exists in every sector. PEOPLE give rise to politics and its devildry.

I just want her to be happy. Truly.

new cut

(click on picture for larger image)

This is the current androgynous look which I LOVE.

Boyish or girlish, I LOVE this haircut. Get it?

To the SY fans, sorry that I disappoint you. I no longer look like Mr. Fok.

***&***

I need some time alone. Instead of worrying what others think about me, use the power to make this world a better place. Be gentle and firm simultaneously; this is efficiency. The inner self reflects itself externally so stop pretending. It is a period for contemplation.

mushroom soup

The synchronized events probably were leading to yesterday's business meeting with JC's brother. It would never have struck me that new opportunities could pop-up like mushrooms. I seriously contemplated to cut all ties since I was certain that Swordy will be involved in my future dealings with him. However I miscalculated and undermined my abilities to deal with JC's brother in a fashion that I won him over. I hope to plan and execute a profitable project together with him especially in areas of my liking and expertise.

I won't count the chickens until they hatch. Nonetheless I do see a star; a wishing star.

Obviously it is wise that I should prioritize. You don't owe me a living and likewise I don't owe you one. Physical uprooting remains meanigless unless I undertake a mental overhault. Truth is a pathless land. It must be tested in life.

blurry

I agree that people do make bad judgements. You are a professional and I respect that you have your own stand. However if it was me I would never advise my client to continue chasing after something extremely remote and absurd. Anyone could tell that what she wants is not healthy and it is more than a formulation of a one-sided affair. The relationship she wants is like trying to hook a star from Mount Everest. Do you know that to climb Mount Everest is hazardous and she has no formal training in hiking? Even if she reaches the peak keeping the last part of her limb, she could barely touch the furthest possibility of her dream. Why do you encourage her? Is it because you need her to run back to you so that she sustains your lifestyle? I am not being cynical and negative but we all know her quite well and the situation is as bleak as the black hole. Maybe you should help to get her out, to let her know that she does not need this relatioship to find an identity, to feel security and to stop looking for certainty.

This relationship will kill her, if she is not already dead by now.

the last request

An excerpt from a letter:

Dear N.D.,

Is it worth it for me to waste so much of time and effort on you? Sometimes loving a person cannot be measured by what is worthy and what is not. But when it hurts I tend to find solace from such mundane questions - hoping that I can talk myself out of grief which probably ends in my finding faults with you. The fact that I am unbelievably attached to you is my own doing but can I blame you for being insensitive and temperamental? Talking to you is like corresponding with a wall. Even when I hit a wall I hear a "bang". With you I get nothing in return. Not a sound.

Maybe you are merely protecting yourself from receiving what others want to give you; something which you didn't ask for. Maybe I am really stupid for giving what you didn't request.

Perhaps silence is the best reply you can offer and retreat is the best move I should take.

From your childhood friend,
M.S.

Note: How about using that as the opening of a novel?

crooked routes

A friend who visits this blog constantly wrote me an email fearing that I would not want to answer him in person. It is nothing severe but the question he asked did ring a few bells. Firstly he wondered why isn't this blog like a "regular online diary thingy". The next question, "Are those spiritual stuff that interesting?"

I guess I will reply you here; if you don't mind.

To begin with I do have a vague idea as to what would amount to a "regular online diary thingy". Can I just say that it isn't my style to write down minute details of what happened to me. I am not too event-oriented, if you get what I mean. What attracts me is the meaning behind each event and how they shape my mental state. So yes, the writings here are about the psychological and emotional reactions to a physical event. But aren't these kind of reactions "regular" as well?

Spiritual stuff? What stuff? No, I am not saying that you are using a word that disdains the spiritual realm of things. Is there anything solid to be interested in and should I continue to elaborate further, I would be caught in a paradox. In short, if I try to verbalise and solidify spirituality I am obssessed with a making myself better and that is the very thing that spirituality speaks against. To give you an exampale, a person who chases after wealth ruthlessly realises that money can't buy him happiness and satisfaction. Ah! He sees the "light" he thinks. So he decides to become spiritual and chases after enlightenment, illumination, unification and whatnot. See the point?

Thanks for the email.

the age of innocence

I held a Tarot analysis promotion at a local new age and modern-living exhibition in February this year. The turn-out was good although many clients commented that I am very young in appearance. They expected someone older. I am 30. It is not age but passion and wisdom that count. I can only give what I am.

Tarot functions on two principles. Firstly, you have to be open-minded and next trust the cards; just as you trust your best friend. Only if you trust your best friend wholeheartedly, s/he is given a chance to help you in all situations. Tarot is a deck of cards drawn of historical symbols and inscribed with universal meanings that would show to you certain useful signs and answers to questions only if you don’t try to control the outcome; in other words to be completely trusting on the natural flow of things.

The synchronized 78 cards of Tarot will reveal to you special messages.

Ask and clues will be given.
New doors would unlock.
What do you want to know?

Career, love, family, friends, health, wealth, Spiritual guidance and Life.

queen

S A L L Y

A decade swam by the Ganges River
The jagged edges of holy water
Cut, soothe and made me shiver
Life only gets magically better.

I know not anymore how to pen
Reviving the flare of a growing passion
Yet my feelings ascend and slowly sharpen
Baffled; no words filled my vision.

But old are not these feelings inside
The hour glass erased not my loyalty
Many a comfort did Sally’s voice provide;
when I drifted in and out of insanity.

A perfect being Sally is not to me
For perfection like chasing a fairy
Up to heaven, where no one can be
Only to find out that none exists, sorry!

Sally’s words I read with pride
Her sincerity discerns not one domain
She inspires, cares and is always a guide
As for me, an unassuming fan I remain.

Her career sets her on a constant drive.
Within the heart lives a simple woman -
amid ordinary constituents of life;
but a melodious voice not so common.

Sally’s music I continue to hear
decade after decade, ends it never
For being who you are - thank you, dear
There is no doubt this bond is forever.

(c) Wendy Loh Lai Si 2006

performing the cosmic dance

I should stop pondering how I actually do the dance which connects to the universe. I just dance and miracles happen. Life is a miracle. The trappings of past experience dissolve for something "unknown" comes into play.

wah lai yuen

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

~i don't need a reason to be happy~

~i don't need a reason to love you~

~i am happy~

~i love you~

ikan

Fish

Slippery as ivory
Off it escaped my clutch
No more curry
if it defied my touch.
Another night of boring rye
for poor Tommy and I.

With his fur like a pulled-back hood,
Tommy sprang to fly.
Holy gracious how rude!
Good manners he obviously did not comply.
Fangs like an iron claw
they enclosed the tiny fish.

But - eschewed not his jaw
from his favorite dish.

(c) W.L.S. Loh

w-files II

Everything is a point of despair and a source of happiness; no choice.

w-files

Trust no one - enjoy the company of oneself.

Stories

There are some who can accept death easily because they know the truth of life. There are some who feel death is a deprivation and a loss. We all have different capacities to understanding death whether as a tenous concept or as something implacably real. The grief is too much to bear and no consolation can be offered. Perhaps at the point of losing someone it was needed; the shedding of tears, the heartaches, the breakdowns and the anger that clouds the already confused mind. Because we actually believe that death of a loved one can never happen to us. It could happen to our friends and to anyone else but us. We symphatise and even try to emphatise with a friend whose child had just passed away. Deep down we occupy this grief with detachment. To a certain extent it is true to stay away from internalising the pains but at the same time we strongly believe that we will never lose a child, a parent and family members until it happens. And this is the driving force behind the big "I" am more important than the "we".

Very often do I hear that as long as what "I" do, "I" am not hurting others then my actions are fine. Who are we kidding? Can what we do not hurt another living being no matter how good we think our actions to be. We are all proud creatures and this neccessity is forced upon by ourselves. It makes the heart feels great when I believe that what I have done I am not bringing pain to others. (Wow! I am such a kind person. ) It is for the common good of the world if Iraq is destroyed so believed President Bush. Does this make any sense?

Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade more, one ray less,

Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

the book

Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. And the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging to belief, of holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be. ~Alan Watts~

net

what is it - to free the mind or to be free of the mind?